Naked Vengeance
Category: Cars
Lemon Law
The Sexiest Yenta
The opening line read “When the beauty sunbathing on the white sands opened her eyes and saw the leering man stepping toward her from a red convertible, her first thought was: ‘Maybe corona isn’t the worst virus after all.'”
The Pug was in the Driver’s Seat
Hack wrote this after he took his van to get gas with his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug as a passenger. While he was filling up, he attempted to hit on a gorgeous woman at the next pump but she was only interested in playing with Boris. Hack tried to make Boris walk home after that but the gorgeous woman gave him a lift and no one knows what happened after that.
The Fast Crowd
A group of poor virgins are deflowered by some rich boys in fast cars. It ends in a drag race between the only girl not to die of syphilis in her father’s jalopy and the leader of the boys in his 1962 Covair. Just as the boy is about to cross the finish line, his car crashes in a fire ball and he is castrated by its stick shift.
The Salesman was a Lesbian
After Hack got out of the hospital following the beating his friend Sara gave him for writing “The Car Salesman,” he heard news that she had a much better experience with a female salesperson who Sara learned was a lesbian. Hack wrote this book about the experience which his publisher John Kane was expecting to be a salacious romp full of girl-on-girl sex. But Hack surprised him with this family-friendly tale of a happily married lesbian with two adopted children who sells a good car to a woman at a fair price.
It was not well-received by Hack’s core readership, but at least he didn’t suffer any broken bones for it.
The Car Salesman
When Hack’s friend Sara was still in the process of finding a new car to buy (as described in “The Car Max Killers”) she complained to Hack that every car salesman she encountered was more interested in hitting on her than selling her a car. That was all Hack needed to hear so he knocked out this sequel where every salesman got their wish.
After Sara read it, Hack spent the next two weeks in the hospital.
The Car Max Killers
Hack’s pal Sara was having a rough time finding a car to buy and when she told Hack about a nightmarish experience she had at a Carmax dealership, he knocked out this fanciful murder mystery based loosely on her trial in which a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer is the killer. Unfortunately, Hack got high of reefer shortly afterward and got so disoriented that he thought the story was true, so he turned himself over to the police. It all got straightened out but not before Hack was raped in the county jail.