This is one of the few recent Hack Werker novels that didn’t depict Boris the pug on its cover. The sales were disastrous.
Category: Catnip to the Ladies
Lust in the Dust
Hack tried to exploit the success of the Jonny M. series by putting its branding on hodgepodge of some of his kinkiest sexual fantasies that he wrote to clear up a gambling debt. It sold well but the gangsters broke his kneecaps anyway.
Mr. Sex
A virgin begs an itinerant stranger to instruct her in the ways of anal sex.
“One of the most disgusting pieces of trash ever written.” – The Tolucan Times
Her Private Secretary
Before he took the job as night janitor at Shakey’s Pizza Parlour that he held for over fifty years, Hack briefly made ends meet as an errand boy at a corporate headquarters where he claimed that he was passed around by the female executives as a sex toy. The story breaks down when you realize that he was there in 1960 where there were no such thing as female executives but Hack tended to get violent if challenged on the subject, so it’s best to just let it go. Anyway, Hack claims that this book is based on his experiences there.
Hunk for Hire
The story of a high-end gigolo. Hack swears that this is based on his actual experiences in the trade but records show that he was recovering from a penile fracture he suffered in a bar fight during the period it takes place, so his claims are dubious.
Rock Stars
This was inspired by an evening when Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. and his pug Boris went to a karaoke bar and the women in the audience stormed the stage and sexually ravaged them after they performed a duet of the Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson hit “The Dog-Gone Girl is Mine.”
Trio of Lust
Hack based this novel on an experience his cover artist Jonny M. And his pug Boris had when they stopped at Barstow for gas during a road trip and were seduced by a trio of sex-starved beauties. As soon as he completed the book, Hack made another of his many failed suicide attempts by sticking his head in the pizza oven of the Shakey’s restaurant where he works as a janitor. Since it was an electric oven, he realized after about three hours that it wouldn’t put him out of his misery and he went back to cleaning toilets.
Jonny’s Birthday
Hack wrote this book during an alcoholic binge. It’s an incomprehensible mess of indecipherable ranting. But his publisher John Kane needed a new Hack Werker manuscript to fulfill a legal obligation so he had cover artist Jonny M. Work out this cover based on his recent birthday celebration and slapped this title on it. Miraculously, it was embraced by intelligentsia and started showing up on university English classes reading lists. When Hack accepted an honorary doctorate from Stanford, he admitted that he no memory of even writing the thing.
The Office
Hack binged the sitcom “The Office” one weekend and fell in love with star Jenna Fischer as a result. This was the unfortunate result.
Murder for Hire
When he found out that his cover artist Jonny M. was an actual friend of his biggest celebrity crush Frances Fisher, Hack became so consumed with jealousy that he wrote this novel as retribution. As with many of Hack’s novels though, he lost focus while writing and the last three quarters of the thing jarringly turn into a story that has nothing to do with what it started as. There is one amazingly graphic orgy scene between the inhabitants of two warring planets that almost makes it worthwhile.