This may be Hack’s most deeply personal story.
The Flasher with the Micro-Penis
Category: Dangerous Dames
Doctor Mercy: Female Mad Scientist
When Hack’s friend, world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy (who is also an actual bona fide scientist) lectured him on the scientific realities of the Covid-19 virus, he was so impressed that he went home and crapped out this sci-fi novel. As with all of Hack’s book, he did no research whatsoever and the “science” is all made up BS, but at least it gave you something to do while you were social distancing during the pandemic.
The Masked Creatures
When Hack went out grocery shopping for the staples of his diet during the coronavirus scare (Jack Daniels and Hershey bars), he found himself surrounded by so many people wearing surgical masks that he had a panic attack and collapsed. He woke up in Tijuana the next day with this manuscript in his pocket.
The Return of the Traveling Dominatrix
Hack sometimes vacations with his cover artist Jonny M. and considers him to be the world’s worst traveling companion. When Hack learned that his friend world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy was taking a trip to New Zealand, he wrote this fantasy about Jonny being on the same plane and finally being taken to task for his obnoxious behavior.
Sex Slaves on the High Seas
Hack wrote this fantasy about his friends Snow Mercy and Rosanna De Candia (who both find him repulsive) and his celebrity crush Frances Fisher (who has multiple restraining orders against him) making him their sex slave on a raft in the middle of the ocean. When he saw that cover artist Jonny M. (who depicts himself as the hero on the cover of all of Hack’s books) had put himself in the scenario, Hack tried to cut his throat with a straight-edged razor.
A Magnificent Butt
Hack wrote this novel in twenty minutes after watching the Jennifer Lopez music video “Booty” 50 times in a row.
The Reader
This book was yet another failed attempt on Hack’s part to suck up to his friend Rosanna De Candia by promoting her podcast titled Jersey Reads the Classics. The point of the podcast is that Ms. De Candia, a native of New Jersey, gives humorous readings of classic books. But Hack was drunk out of his mind during the hour and a half he devoted to writing this and cranked out an unreadable mess about a sports pullover that taught an adult literacy course in the slums of Chicago. It sold well in some rural areas because of several graphically described erotic scenes between the jersey and an illiterate, nymphomaniacal laundromat clerk who it teaches to read.
The Spanking Nun
The inspiration of this novel is the six months Hack spent at a Romanian Catholic boarding school when he was 12. The title character is based on an actual nun at the school named Sister Brândusa, who took her students over her knee and brutalized them at the slightest provocation. The real-life Sister Brândusa weighed over 250 lbs. and had a hairy mole covering half her face, so Hack based the fictional version on his super-hot friend Rosanna De Candia. The story is vastly more effective for it.
Cult of the Snuffed Pug
Hack wrote this to get revenge on his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris after the dog urinated in his vodka tonic. Boris had the ultimate retribution when he sued Hack for libel and collected a six-figure settlement.
Stone Cold Blonde
When a customer who Hack had a crush on at the Shakey’s where he worked changed her hair from brunette to blonde, he got so excited that he wrote this book in tribute to her. It didn’t have quite the effect he desired, as her boyfriend beat him up so badly that he wound up in traction.