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When a customer who Hack had a crush on at the Shakey’s where he worked changed her hair from brunette to blonde, he got so excited that he wrote this book in tribute to her. It didn’t have quite the effect he desired, as her boyfriend beat him up so badly that he wound up in traction.
When Hack’s friend world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy was traveling internationally, he dropped acid and hallucinated that the crew of the airplane she was on took over the jet and she had to overpower them with her whip. To this day, Hack thinks that this actually happened.
Hack wrote this while staying in a Motel-6 on a book-signing tour and becoming obsessed with one of the cleaning ladies, only to have her steal his van while he was trying to seduce her. Hack was philosophical about the rejection and still corresponds with the woman during her prison term.
Hack became obsessed with sending selfies of his withered genitalia to potential online lovers and wrote this self-indulgent fantasy in which he falls down a rabbit hole made up of a sub-culture of gorgeous women who actually enjoy dick pix. In the novel, they number in the thousands but according to Hack’s years of research on the subject, the real number is actually a hard zero.
Hack got in an argument with his friend Rosanna De Candia which ended in her pummeling the living hell out of him. This turned Hack on more than he could say so he wrote this book from his hospital bed.
Before he took the job as night janitor at Shakey’s Pizza Parlour that he held for over fifty years, Hack briefly made ends meet as an errand boy at a corporate headquarters where he claimed that he was passed around by the female executives as a sex toy. The story breaks down when you realize that he was there in 1960 where there were no such thing as female executives but Hack tended to get violent if challenged on the subject, so it’s best to just let it go. Anyway, Hack claims that this book is based on his experiences there.
One of Hack’s friend Rosanna De Candia’s seventeen Instagram profiles is “The Frugal Fashionista” in which she illustrates her ability to dress like a million bucks on a five dollar budget. This novel was yet another failed effort on Hack’s part to try and get into Ms. De Candia’s fashionable pants, which netted him nothing but a major league ass-kicking from her the first time she saw him after reading it.
When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. suffered a heart attack, his super hot friend Harmony Sanchez visited him in the hospital and screwed his brains out to lift his morale. Hack had been unsuccessfully trying to get in Harmony’s pants for years, so when he found out about it he wrote this bitter novel in which Harmony’s scheme was to kill Jonny off. In truth, her visit to the I.C.U. resulted in Jonny having a second heart attack which infuriated Hack even more when Jonny told him that it was totally worth it.
Hack wrote this at the height of his cocaine addiction in the early 1970s and was consumed with paranoia that everyone he knew was out to kill him. That was an enormous exaggeration, although everyone he knew undoubtedly hated his guts.
After receiving countless restraining orders for stalking women throughout his life, Hack had the tables turned on him when “a super hot nutjob” who was obsessed with him and his books came into his life. “The sex was great,” he admitted, “but when she set fire to my van while I was sleeping in it, I had to put an end to it. When I issued a restraining order against her, the guys at Superior Court (who I all knew by their first names because of the restraining order issued against me) thought it was the funniest thing in the world that the tables had turned.”