The Stud Trainers

Hack took a correspondence course in the 1960s that he learned about from the back of a matchbook that promised to teach him how to seduce ladies. He claims that the skills he picked up transformed his life, although police records from that time show that he was arrested 17 time for “lewd behavior and attempted molestation.” When confronted with those numbers, Hack snorts “show me the records on the two women who didn’t call the police!”

The Return of the Grumpy Old Bastard

Hack wrote the first “Grumpy Old Bastard” earnestly about his efforts to teach the teenagers in his neighborhood some manners, and only claimed he meant it to be funny when everyone told him it was when it was when they read it in in proofs. For this sequel, he tried to make it funny and the thing fell right on its face.

Social Distancing

When Hack heard that everyone had to stay indoors because of the Covid-19 virus, he figured that meant that he could coerce beautiful young woman into shacking up in his bug-infested van. Instead, the few he was able to speak with carried six-foot poles to ensure that people were keeping their proper distance and if Hack tried to get any closer than that, they would crack him over the head with them.

The Grump Old Bastard

Hack had intended this to be the story of how he had heroically fought down some young thugs in his neighborhood but when everyone read the proofs, they congratulated him on writing a hilarious book about a mean-spirited old bastard who was constantly harassing innocent teens. He quietly changed the title from “The Hero of the Neighborhood” to “The Grumpy Old Bastard” and pretended that was what he had meant all along.