Heavy Petting

Hack wrote this after watching his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris effortlessly pick up women by playing sad songs on a local dive bar’s tinny piano. After his set, Boris would take one of them to a table in a dark table and have them scratch him behind the ears until their fingers cramped.

The Nipple Immunity Plan

Hack wrote this book after he learned that his friend Snow Mercy had founded an organization called The Nipple Immunity Program (NIP) which was started to educate the public that diseases of the heart, lungs, stomach, kidneys, liver, lymph nodes and mammary tissue result from smothering our nipples under clothing. The group’s mission statement claims that “Our nipples need bacteria, viruses, fungi, and fresh air to be healthy.”

Hack supports the aims of NIP mainly because he really likes nipples.

Dangerous Gams and The Mystery of the Heart-Shaped Bed

For the third installment of the “Dangerous Gams” saga, Hack pitted detectives Jonny and Boris against each other as Snow Mercy played a dangerous game of cat and mouse. He painted himself in the corner at the end so he took the cop-out of making it all a dream, but there was enough graphic sex to make the fans happy.

Dance of the Dangerous Gams

The huge success of “Dangerous Gams” left Hack’s publisher John Kane scrambling for a sequel while interest was still hot. Hack being Hack, he crapped out this follow-up in about three hours that was even more lurid and sexually graphic than the first installment. The sales more than tripled although Hack’s friend Snow Mercy, the world famous dominatrix who served as the basis for the sultry heroine, beat Hack’s butt with a hairbrush when she saw the cover.

The Maltese Pug

The first book that prompted Hack to be a writer was Dashiell Hammett’s “The Maltese Falcon.” This is an unapologetic rip-off of the original with the detective Sam Spade renamed Claude Club. It’s a virtual line-by-line knockoff of the Hammett book save that the titular falcon was now a pug and the detective now had an insatiable desire for anal sex. Few critics noticed the similarities between the books and the ones who did said that Hack’s version was superior.