The Pimp
Category: The Lower Depths
The Pervs of Skid Row
This was a “memory piece” from Hack’s teenage years when he and a girlfriend would taunt the bums in New York’s Bowery district by shamelessly making out in front of them. The bums finally had enough and surrounded the pair, let the girl go but made Hack stay and French kiss every one of them until he’d learned his lesson. They were surprised when he showed up for the next three weeks in a row for more lessons.
The Tramps of Fawlty Towers
A prostitution ring runs in secret out of a small, family-owned hotel in Torquay, Devon, England. The British Broadcasting Company sued publisher John Kane over an alleged likeness to one of their sitcoms with a similar setting and characters, which Kane responded to by telling the “Limey bastards” to “try and cross over the pond and find me” and immediately stashed all of his assets in a Cayman Islands account. The court case is still pending.
Blonde on the Run
Sin Hotel
Hack intended this as a stern morality tale about the brothel he worked in as a child but he made the sex sound so awesome that any moral statement was completely lost on the reader.
Reefer Pug
Hack was under the impression that his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris was addicted to reefer for some reason, so he wrote this book as an intervention. When Boris took a dump on the book, Hack was so upset that he spent the next week high on reefer.
Shanty Town Scum
This was written in response to a gang of teenagers at the arcade in the Shakey’s Pizza Parlor where Hack works as a janitor taunting him for being a loser. In the novel, the hero drives low-lifes out of town. In real life, the kids put bottle rockets in the toilets Hack was paid to clean.
The Garbage Collectors
A former mob kingpin who has gone straight goes back to his hometown to clean up the criminal element. The gorgeous female DA is so grateful that she rewards him with anal sex.
Reefer Fiends
The urban legend of the stoned babysitter who puts an infant in a microwave oven comes from this 1975 novel, which Hack swears was not only true but that he was the baby in question. But since Hack was born in 1940 and the first microwave oven wasn’t invented until 1946, we suspect that he was stoned on reefer when he “remembered” it.
The Autobiography of Hack Werker
Hack had been approached to write his autobiography for decades but when he finally got around to it, his brain was so fried from alcohol and drug use that he could barely remember anything about his own life. The first fifty pages are an accurate depiction of his abusive relationship with his father but the rest of the book is accounts of sexual fantasies he’s had of women throughout his life; from major movie stars to supermarket cashiers he glanced at in passing. It became one of his all-time best sellers.