The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
This was based on a real episode in Hack’s life where he fell in love with two women, a hard-partying hottie and a sweet and charming stay-at-home, and couldn’t decide between the two. Providence simplified the matter when it turned out that neither one could stand him.
Hack wrote this novel after his cover artist Jonny M. described his plans for the weekend, which were a literal playing out of the circumstances of the title. Hack changed the participants in the orgy to female TV newscasters he had crushes on and jumped out a third floor window immediately after finishing the manuscript. He ended up with only minor injuries while Jonny had to deal with a case of chlamydia.
When his cover artist Jonny M. complained that he had too many women to sexually satisfy in his life, Hack wrote this book in a fit of jealous rage. It’s not a bad read.
This book was completed when Hack attended a Super Bowl party at his hayseed friend Eddie Frierson’s house and Frierson pitched this ridiculous title. Hack’s eyes caught fire at the suggestion and he rewrote the manuscript overnight to match it.
When Hack’s unrequited love for his friend Rosanna De Candia was at its most intense, she admitted to him that she had a crush on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star Larry David. Consumed with jealousy, Hack wrote this bitter story which ends with David and Rosie suffered a painful death at the hands of a pack of savage, rabid wombats. Hack admitted that he felt much better after writing it.
This is one of the few recent Hack Werker novels that didn’t depict Boris the pug on its cover. The sales were disastrous.
Hack tried to exploit the success of the Jonny M. series by putting its branding on hodgepodge of some of his kinkiest sexual fantasies that he wrote to clear up a gambling debt. It sold well but the gangsters broke his kneecaps anyway.
Hack wrote this book after someone on the social network called him a psychopath because of the content of his books.
Hack’s jealousy over his cover artist Jonny M.’s success with women ultimately consumed him so deeply that he made several unsuccessful murder attempts on Jonny. They were such failures that not only did Hack usually injure himself trying to pull them off but Jonny was inevitably unaware that they had even been attempted. Hack ultimately concluded that Jonny was immortal even though the reality was that Hack was just a colossal fuck-up. Anyway, he wrote this book as an act of contrition.
Hack wrote this book after he received a parking ticket and was convinced that it was a government conspiracy. The book sold well although, as always, his publisher John Kane got all the profits so Hack didn’t even make enough off it to pay for the ticket.