Doctors and Nurses – HackWerker.com

Happy heavenly birthday to the great Bob Newhart/National Shrink Day (which takes place on September 5th because it’s Bob Newhart’s birthday). As someone who was in therapy for seven years, I encourage you to seek out help if you feel that you need it. It can be life-changing in a very positive way!

Labor Day

Anal Hospital

When Hack and his cover artist Jonny M. were out with their friend Eddie one night, Jonny told them the true story about how he once played Thomas Jefferson in a play where the founding fathers got high and Jefferson anally violated John Adams. When Eddie countered that it sounded like something Hack wrote, Hack responded with this manuscript the next morning.

A Clockwork Tangerine

Private Nurse

Dorothy’s Brain

“‘Now who will you miss most of all?’ asked the Tin Man contemptuously as he and Dorothy watched the Lion devour the wizard’s insane face.”

The Pug Heart

Since today is the eighth anniversary of his cover artist’s Jonny M.’s heart attack, Hack wrote this novel set in 2015 in which Jonny goes into cardiac arrest while receiving a 45 minute standing ovation after his performance of Shakespeare’s Richard III. His pug Winston offers his own heart for a transplant but only during surgery does anyone realize that a pug’s heart is much too big to fit into a human being, so the heart skips out of the hospital to commit carnage on the city.

The smoking-hot heart surgeon puts Jonny on an artificial heart and temporarily stitches up Winston with a cat’s ticker so that the two of them (followed by Winston’s abusive gay lover Bruce) can keep the pug’s massive vascular organ from destroying the city, leaving Jonny in the care of his girlfriend, Shameless star Emmy Rossum, who keeps his spirits up with promises of anal sex when he regains consciousness.

The main problem is that Winston becomes a self-centered bastard now that he has a cat’s heart, making the need to recover his own ticker all the more urgent. It ends well with the surgeon re-implanting Winston’s heart at the top of the Empire State Building when the organ scaled the skyscraper in a failed attempt at getting blood stains all over the city, and then returning to the hospital to plug the cat heart into Jonny. The surgery is a success and the cat heart makes Jonny an even sexier bad boy than he was before and the final chapter depicts Emmy and the hot surgeon receiving anal sex from Jonny while Bruce fucks Winston repeatedly in the face.

Jonny later said that the book told his story exactly as he remembers it.