Junior Ranger and the Mystery of Injun Glenn’s Cave

Bro Joe wrote a marvelous article about being a Junior Ranger, the highlight of which was a touching anecdote about how he lost his hiking hat with his Junior Ranger pins attached to it and how the folks at the various parks he asked for help from were so kind in sending replacements.

When Hack heard the story, he was far too drunk to comprehend it but it made enough of an impression that (after waking up in a pool of his own tears and vomit a few days later) he was able to pen this novelization of Joe’s adventure as he understood it. It’s a pretty solid read.

Rim to Rim

When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe (an outdoorsman who serves as the inspiration for the Junior Ranger books) told Hack that he was “doing the Grand Canyon rim to rim,” it set Hack’s imagination on fire. All Joe meant was that he would be hiking from the south to north rim of the canyon (or the north to south rim, I didn’t care enough to confirm which one) but, Hack being Hack, he thought “rim to rim” meant some kind of deviant sexual practice. So he wrote this book, getting around the wholesome business model of Boys Adventures by making Lucifer the sicko who leads Joe down the path of perversion and pretending the thing was actually a religious parable.

It sold like gangbusters in the Bible Belt and won an award from the Catholic Legion of Decency.

Senior Junior Ranger and the Passionate Pachyderm of Pepperbrook Park

Happy birthday to Bro Joe!

When Joe complained to Hack that the most popular Junior Ranger books (which are based on his adventures as an outdoorsman) depict him being sexually assaulted by wild animals on the cover, Hack decided to honor Joe’s birthday with this tale of Joe’s brother and Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. being anally raped by a bull elephant as Joe and Jonny’s pug Boris laughed their asses off. At first, Jonny refused to paint the cover art until the publisher’s lawyer threatened him with financial ruin if he declined the project.

Joe later said that it was his best birthday ever.

Senior Junior Ranger and the Lustful Lion of Badlands Park

When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. recently dined with Bro Joe and their friend Penny, Joe disclosed that he was now designated as a Senior Junior Ranger by the parks department because of his advanced age and shaky mental health. When Penny heard the news, she said how much she enjoyed Hack’s Junior Ranger Books although Joe just complained that the most popular editions featured him being sexually assaulted by animals.

When Hack heard about this conversation, he wrote this novel.