Jonny of the Mounties

When Hack learned that his celebrity crush Mara Marini (best known for playing porn star Brandi Maxxxx on “Parks & Recreation”) was originally from Canada, he wrote this saga of the Mounties to try and impress her. It failed miserably on that score, largely because Hack seems to be under the impression that Mounties spend all their time rescuing virgins from being tied to railroad tracks and engaging in anal sex.