Clown Shoes

When Hack first saw the ridiculous golden sneakers that Donald Trump was selling for $399 a pop, he became so violently ill that he awoke days later in a pool of his own vomit. As he trudged to the bathroom to hose himself off, he regarded the puke caked to his feet and concluded that it looked much better that Trump’s stupid, overpriced shoes.


Hack wrote this novel as a companion piece to a mystery board game that he hoped would pay off his massive personal debts but it just resulted in a massive plagiarism lawsuit from Hasbro over their game Clue that put him so deeper in debt that he not only had to declare bankruptcy for the sixth time but spend his free hours as an anti-fluffer in porn films for stars whose Viagra-induced erections wouldn’t go down after four hours requiring Hack to spit on them and curse about how easy the younger generation had it until the stiffies withered.

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