Drunken Idiots Wearing Green
Category: Barflies
Five Glasses of White Wine
A man sees a woman in a bar and he propositions, whereupon she shoots him down and tells him to get lost. He buys her five glasses of white wine and they go back to her place for anal sex.
That took Hack over 200 pages to tell in this book.
Rock Bottom
Hack once won an award from the Alcoholics Anonymous organization for the vast number of women who were traumatized into sobriety after waking up to see him lying next to them following a night of drunken debauchery. This book tells their harrowing story.
Non-Alcoholic Wine
Hack wrote this when a woman that he thought he was really close to getting in the sack switched to non-alcoholic wine and suddenly found him repulsive. It’s one of his angriest books.
Horror Speakeasy
When he heard that horror movie star Graham Skipper was hosting a “horror speakeasy,” Hack got so excited that he sat down and wrote this scary book about what he imagined would take place complete with chills, thrills and a murder mystery that a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer solves and is rewarded with an anal sex session with the sexiest female guest. What actually would up happening was that Hack got drunk beforehand, showed up at the wrong address and was brutally beaten by some drug dealers whose score he had walked in on.
The Big Sleazy
One of Hack’s most exciting detective novels. He was sued by the estate of Raymond Chandler because the book is a shameless rip-off of “The Big Sleep” but the suit fell apart in court because both Hack and Chandler’s novels had equally incomprehensible stories.