The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack had no intention of writing another of these “Dude with the Giant Wang” books until his cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe told him “I think I speak for everyone when I say any novel cover where you are fully clothed is a winner!” So Hack felt that he had no choice.
This may be Hack’s most deeply personal story.
Hack intended this as a stern morality tale about the brothel he worked in as a child but he made the sex sound so awesome that any moral statement was completely lost on the reader.
Hack makes a point of dropping by whenever his cover artist Jonny M. is creating new cover art so that he can hit on the models, always with humiliatingly unsuccessful results. He wrote this story where a model is thrown out of her home and seeks refuge in the arms of a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer which Hack swears is based on a true story but when he is pressed for the name of the model, he always pretends to have an epileptic seizure.
While people were “social distancing” during the Covid-19 pandemic, Hack found himself taking a lot of videoconference meetings for which he only bothered to dress above the waist. So he took the titular character from his earlier success “The Dude with the Giant Wang” and put him in the same situation. It sold like hotcakes.
When Hack’s friend Harmony Sanchez celebrated a birthday, he wondered what was the best present to get her and the only thing he could think of was a monstrously huge Johnson. Since a> Ms. Sanchez finds Hack physically repulsive and b> his own member is famously tiny, he wrote this in tribute to her.
Since Hack describes his characters so generically, his cover artist Jonny M. uses the people he or Hack know as the basis for them. When the model for this book complained bitterly of being depicted as a cuckold, Jonny included him in this adaptation of the painting “Nighthawks” to placate him.
When Hack heard that everyone had to stay indoors because of the Covid-19 virus, he figured that meant that he could coerce beautiful young woman into shacking up in his bug-infested van. Instead, the few he was able to speak with carried six-foot poles to ensure that people were keeping their proper distance and if Hack tried to get any closer than that, they would crack him over the head with them.
This story was originally titled “Anal Justice” about a stern dominatrix who taught her slaves obedience with a strap-on dildo. Hack rewrote it as a political allegory with the dominatrix recast as the Republican part elephant and it became a huge seller in college towns.
When most bars closed down during the coronavirus pandemic, Hack wrote this to remind everyone that there were still PLENTY of good ways to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.