The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack was still trying to suck up to the disciples of his cover artist Jonny M.’s late pug Winston with this volume, which had Winston coming back from doggie heaven to make his master sexually irresistible to the ladies. The Winstonites, who castrated themselves to be more like their neutered leader, were unimpressed but Jonny M. himself thought it ranked among Hack’s best books.
Ranger Joe is overwhelmed by savage monkeys who drag him to their cave and violate him repeatedly with anal sex until their demands are met. A typical entry in the Junior Ranger saga.
When he first heard about the Me Too movement, Hack was horrified because he had a long history of masturbating in front of women for years. So he wrote this book in support of the crusade in the hopes that its leaders wouldn’t put him to death when they took over. His fear turned out to be for naught because his genitalia is so tiny that none of the women realized that he was playing with himself in their presence.
Hack tried to follow up the triumph of “The Boob Cup” with this mystery about a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction whose girlfriend cheats on him with the owner of the legendary Boob Cup. It wasn’t the success with his readership that the first one was because the hero spends most of his time fucking the cup.
When his celebrity crush Frances Fisher appeared in a play called “Barbeque” in Los Angeles, Hack stole the title for a erotic trifle about a Frances Fisher-like actress who tempts all the males in the neighborhood with her luscious sweet meats. It eventually becomes known in the story that she’s pretty good at barbequing too.
When Hack finally recarpeted the van that he sleeps in after forty years, the first thing his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston did was urinate on a small section of it. Hack was furious at first until he realized that after four decades of sleeping on soiled carpeting, he couldn’t sleep on anything else. So he invited Winston back the next day to pee on the rest of it.
His cover artist Jonny M. found the subject matter distasteful and only agreed to make it if Hack would make the character based on him give Joan Crawford the greatest orgasm of her life just before the murder took place. They compromised and had him on the verge of satisfying Joan just before Bette Davis gunned her down. Jonny finally agreed that his not being able to satisfy a woman to conclusion had a much stronger basis in reality.
When his cover artist Jonny M.friend and Hack’s celebrity crush Frances Fisher began appearing on the covers of Hack’s books, she was initially amused by it. She even sent Jonny an image she found on the Internet and dared Jonny to make a cover from it. Jonny took her up on the challenge and when Hack saw the cover, he had the complete novel written less than an hour later.
Hack was still sucking up to the 99-seat theater crowd when he wrote this thriller about a vigilante who dresses up as a cat and fights for their movement. This was during a period when Hack’s reefer addiction was at its most intense.
Hack discovered that Actor’s Equity Association, the union of professional stage actors, had it out to destroy small theater in Los Angeles from the performers at the tiny theater across the street from the Shakey’s where he worked. He pretended to care in the hopes of getting some poon tang from the actresses among them but when he found out that his biggest celebrity crush, “Titanic” and “Unforgiven” star Frances Fisher supported the small theaters, his passion became genuine. He wrote several books on the subject in the hopes of impressing Ms. Fisher but as was the case with his quest for poon tang, he was a miserable failure.