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This book was the result of Hack getting hammered and watching a bunch of Dudley Doo-Right cartoons with his cover artist Jonny M and his pug Boris. There’s a very disturbing sex scene between Boris and a Canadian moose who describes himself as a “power bottom.”
A mysterious stranger shows up to clean out the city of criminal scum, so the women he saves thank him with gifts of anal sex.
“Either one of Werker’s worst or best books, depending on your point of view.”
-The Tolucan Times
When he found out that his cover artist Jonny M. was an actual friend of his biggest celebrity crush Frances Fisher, Hack became so consumed with jealousy that he wrote this novel as retribution. As with many of Hack’s novels though, he lost focus while writing and the last three quarters of the thing jarringly turn into a story that has nothing to do with what it started as. There is one amazingly graphic orgy scene between the inhabitants of two warring planets that almost makes it worthwhile.
Hack’s friends Lacie and Robin are a married lesbian couple who maintain a YouTube channel about the joys and pitfalls of maintaining a sex-sex relationship. Hack is afraid of both of them and wrote this book to suck up to them because he’s terrified of what they’ll do if he ever makes them angry.
Hack claimed that the novella “Operation: Macho Men” was a true account of his service with the Special Ops division of the armed forces during the Vietnam War. In truth, Hack was rejected for the service because of bone spurs in his feet and acute alcoholism and this book is actually a poorly written update of the John Wayne movie “The Sands of Iwo Jima” with (as always) some scenes of anal sex thrown in.
Two world-class art thieves attempt to steal the most famous painting in the world from the Louvre Museum in Paris but spend most of their time having anal sex. The Louvre would later use this novel as part of their training for new security guards.
This was one of Hack’s most controversial titles.The city’s mob kingpin has his goons kidnap a senior from a nearby Catholic high school and play cards to see which of the town’s supervillains will take her virginity. Boris gets in the game to save her and just as he is of the verge of winning, he loses the last hand with four aces to the kingpin’s royal flush (Hack doesn’t really understand poker). But just as the kingpin is about to deflower her, Boris takes out a semi-automatic and blows everyone at the table away. It’s a feel-good escapist piece of fluff.
This was the last in Hack’s series of book about the brutal murder of his cover artist Jonny M. after a public outcry that he knock it the fuck off. He hasn’t published a book on that theme since but he continues to write them for therapeutic reasons.
When Nancy Kulp of The Beverly Hillybillies ran as a Democrat for Pennsylvania’s Ninth Congressional District in 1984, she asked costar Buddy Ebsen to support her. But Ebsen, an ultra-conservative Republican, deemed Kulp “too liberal” and went so far as to record a radio commercial for her Republican opponent. The ploy cost Kulp the election and she didn’t speak to Ebsen for several years, although she ultimately made peace with him. Hack, however, considered it a dick move for one friend to pull on another and he never forgave Ebsen, writing this novel to smear his once-beloved reputation.
Hack tried to combine two of his favorite fantasies: his cover artist Jonny M. being murdered and playing with his friend Harmony Sanchez’ enormous pair of boobs. When Sanchez (who is also a good friend of Jonny) read the book, she was so angry that she beat Hack’s ass with a belt, so at least he got to live out a third fantasy.