The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
This was Hack’s second book in his “Cat Lady” trilogy, based on a hot lady with cats who used to have lunch in the Shakey’s where he works. Their date which inspired the first book was a disaster but Hack developed an infection in the scars where her cats attacked him so he penned this sequel.
Hack’s second wife enjoyed nothing more than playing sadistic tricks on him, and April Fool’s Day was her favorite day of the year. “Her goal was to make my life a living hell on April 1st,” he recounted, “so I paid her back by making her life a living hell the rest of the time. At least that’s what she said in the divorce papers. I don’t really remember because when that bucket of water crashed on my head, it gave me a concussion and I suffered some dain bramage. I haven’t remembered things so goodly ever since it refrigerator.”
Hack fell head over heels with a beautiful woman who came into the Shakey’s where he worked for lunch, and he talked her into going out for a date. When they went back to her place, he thought he was going to get laid but as soon as she opened the door, “at least thirty goddamned housecats attacked me and tried to claw my face and scrotum sack off.” Hack was able to fight off the frantic felines and stagger out into the street, where he collapsed in a pool of his own blood. He wrote this book while recovering from the wounds.
One of Hack’s most exciting detective novels. He was sued by the estate of Raymond Chandler because the book is a shameless rip-off of “The Big Sleep” but the suit fell apart in court because both Hack and Chandler’s novels had equally incomprehensible stories.
Along with virgins being deflowered with anal sex, Hack’s most revisited theme is “she would do ANYTHING for him…including MURDER!” This novel is a standard Hack Werker treatment on the topic with a surprise plot twist that the two women are virgins who get deflowered with anal sex.
A female undercover cop undercover cop poses as a reefer addict to infiltrate a reefer mob but becomes addicted to reefer in the process.
This is a highly romanticized version of he time Hack made a list of his enemies with the plan of getting revenge on all of them in one day. In the book, the main character (a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction) guns them down one by one. In real like, Hack collected bags of his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris’ poop with the idea of placing them on his enemy’s porches and lighting them on fire. But while he was driving to his first target’s house, the bags caught fire in the back of his van, rendering it uninhabitable for three months. In the time that it was airing out, Hack was forced to sleep on a park bench where random dogs would frequently poop on him.
Hack’s take on women in prison. Butt Lust Magazine called it “inarguably the finest novel ever written.”
A smokin’ hot babe with one leg seduces horny saps into smuggling microfilm in her spare artificial limb.
Hack wrote this as a birthday present to his cover artist Jonny M., who Hack has long said he wished was dead. When Jonny’s pug Boris saw the cover, he bit Hack through the seat of his pants; chomping off a large section of his left butt cheek.