Category: Dangerous Dudes

The Estranged Bride of Frankenstein

Hack wrote this autobiographical piece about the time he went home with a chick he met at a bar and her husband walked in just as the ‘shrooms they took kicked in.

The book opening:

“For many people, the holidays are hard. For me, the holidays make me hard. Especially halloween.

Every halloween, I find myself in a bar looking for companionship. By itself, that doesn’t make Halloween any different than any other day of the year. Except on halloween, I’m wearing a slutty costume.

I was three whiskeys into the evening when she walked into the bar. I instantly thought, that’s a woman with potential, that’s a woman I could put a ring on. I didn’t mean a wedding ring. I meant the ring attached to a belt that you put a strap on through.

Little did I know when I started that evening, the evening would end with me getting the shit beat out of me, in a hospital room, not sure if I would live. If I had known that, I would have started the evening much earlier, so it would have lasted that much longer.

Ultimately, this is a story about the redemptive Spirit of Christmas and how it can change our lives and enrich our souls. That may be the shrooms talking since the story took place entirely on Halloween and had nothing at all to do with Christmas whatsoever. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let me start again, at a more appropriate moment, with the gag ball.”

The Dimming

Hack has always been an admirer of the outdoor lifestyle of his cover artist Jonny M.’s Bro Joe and wrote the Junior Ranger series of book in tribute to him. But when Hack discovered that Joe was also a writer (and a much better one at that), he was consumed with jealousy and wrote this rip-off of The Shining with a thinly-veiled representation of Joe as the central character to try and discredit him.

The Fiendish Pit of Dr. Fug Manpoo

Hack has long been a fan of English author Sax Rohmer’s supervillain Dr. Fu Manchu, a stalwart role of horror actors like Boris Karloff and Christopher Lee (Karloff’s 1932 film The Mask of Fu Manchu is particularly fun, with a pre-Thin Man Myrna Loy as the doctor’s evil daughter Fah Lo See). The character’s popularity has fallen out of favor in recent years (last being seen as a leading role in Peter Sellers’ film farewell The Fiendish Plot of Fu Manchu in 1979, although Nicolas Cage revived it for a section of the 2007 cult classic Grindhouse) due to its racist attitudes and “yellowface” casting.

That didn’t stop Hack from adapting Fu Manchu into a Korean pug supervillain named Dr. Pug Manpoo who craps into a massive pit in his castle and tortures his enemies by suspending them over it with the threat of dropping them in. Variety reports that Nicolas Cage is in talks to play the role in a film version.