Hack wrote this on his last day of vacation from his job as night janitor at a Shakey’s pizza parlor. He was so depressed about it that he ended the novel by having the earth explode just so that he wouldn’t have to return to work.
The Final Mission
Category: In Uniform
The Macho Squad
Hack desperately wanted to serve in uniform but when he tried to enlist during the Vietnam war, he was judged to be too psychotic for the military. He was briefly a member of a private militia funded by a high-ranking member of The John Birch Society, but he was drummed out for fragging his commanding officer after he mocked the size of Hack’s tiny genitalia.
The Sexiest Moron
Hack wrote this book after lunching with his cover artist Jonny M. and Jonny insisting that everyone in the restaurant (male and female) found him sexually irresistible after taking a single glance at him. Hack was furious when it turned out to be true.
Jonny & Boris of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police
This book was the result of Hack getting hammered and watching a bunch of Dudley Doo-Right cartoons with his cover artist Jonny M and his pug Boris. There’s a very disturbing sex scene between Boris and a Canadian moose who describes himself as a “power bottom.”
Maid for Murder
Hack wrote this while staying in a Motel-6 on a book-signing tour and becoming obsessed with one of the cleaning ladies, only to have her steal his van while he was trying to seduce her. Hack was philosophical about the rejection and still corresponds with the woman during her prison term.
Sex Nurse
Hack wrote this during a hospital stay when one of his testicles shattered after he was kicked in the crotch during a bar fight. He’s convinced that it’s a true story but he was so doped up that he doesn’t realize that he was just humping an inflatable love doll someone got him as a joke gift, and no one had the heart to tell him.
Considering that he had a shattered testicle at the time, it’s still a pretty impressive accomplishment.
The Lustful Resistance
A pilot crashes his plan on a small island populated entirely by sex-starved gorgeous women during WWII and takes turns having sex with each of them until Nazis show up looking for him. The women then buy the pilot time to escape by having sex with the Nazis. That’s pretty much the whole story. The rest is just 178 pages of sex scenes. It sold well in the Bible Belt.
Romances of the Macho Men of the Foreign Legion
Hack didn’t mess with success with the third novel in his Foreign Legion trilogy and once again just took the original manuscript and swapped out the many sex scenes with new perversions. As far as his publisher John Kane was concerned, he could have continued with the formula forever but Hack felt that he had said everything he had to say about sexual deviance on the sands of the Sahara Desert and moved on to write about sexual deviance in other locales.
Return of the Macho Men of the Foreign Legion
Public response to “Macho Men of the Foreign Legion” was so great that Hack’s publisher John Kane insisted that he start on a sequel right away. Hack simply took the manuscript of the first book and changed the anal sex scenes to oral sex scenes. No one seemed to notice and the second book sold almost as well as the first.
Macho Men of the Foreign Legion
Hack wrote this French Foreign Legion story the morning his air conditioning conked out. Critics objected to the many anal sex scenes in the middle of the Sahara Desert but Hack’s loyal readers had no problem with them.