When Hack’s friend Snow Mercy took a job administering Covid-19 tests during the pandemic, he wrote this book after he couldn’t find anything good to watch on Netflix.
Infantile Idiots
Category: Political
Backdoor Politics
This story was originally titled “Anal Justice” about a stern dominatrix who taught her slaves obedience with a strap-on dildo. Hack rewrote it as a political allegory with the dominatrix recast as the Republican part elephant and it became a huge seller in college towns.
The Last Paper Towels on Earth
Hack wrote this after he went on Amazon.com during the coronavirus panic and saw that they had paper towels “in stock,” so he tried to order some only to get an error that no delivery time was available. To be brutally honest, he lives in a van like an animal and has no need for paper towels but he was still pretty upset.
Coronavirus Nurse
When international superstar Tom Hanks was diagnosed with the coronavirus, Hack sat down and wrote this novel about a promiscuous nurse in the coronavirus ward of a city hospital. While the book was little more than a series of Hack’s typically sick sex fantasies, many reviewers lauded him for understanding far more about the pandemic than the president of the United States.
Love Trumps Hate
One of the countless celebrities Hack is obsessed with is Twitter influencer Lisa Glass. He wrote this to try and impress her but its publication led instead to her filing a restraining order, as usual.
The Tall Fiddler
This Jonny M. adventure was based on the exploits of Jonny’s buddy James “Tree” Cleveland, an accomplished fiddler whose serenades to the ladies got him more poon tang than Hack got in his wildest dreams.Hack got so excited after finishing it that he took his kazoo to a nearby girl’s Catholic school and played old Tony Bennett songs on the physical education field until he was dragged off by police.
The Grotesque Orange Freak
Of all the things Hack despises about President Trump, the one that he finds the most mystifying is the commander in chief’s alleged love of the Golden Shower. “I’ve been peed on more times than I can count,” said Hack in an interview with The Christian Science Monitor, “usually after having the snot beat out of me in a bar fight. Believe me, there’s nothing hot about it.” When Hack heard about Trump’s alleged fetish, he adapted a short story he had written in 1958 about an enormous retarded green slime monster who took over the planet. Its downfall was it’s fetish for being urinated on, which melted its leathery skin into dust.
“I really just had to change the color of the thing,” said Hack while accepting a National Book Award for his effort, “and it was about Trump.”
MAGA Thanksgiving
When Hack was invited to Thanksgiving by a woman he was desperately hitting on, he discovered that everyone in her family were pro-Trump freaks. After listening to their psychotic babble for a few hours, he finally snuck out the bathroom window with the turkey stuffed inside his hoodie.
The Ballot Box
This is a surprisingly powerful statement about government complacency over gun violence in the United States. Hack was stunned to learned that it was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize for fiction but came short in the voting because of all the anal sex scenes.
Wonder Woman vs. the Fascist Morons
Hack was coy about his obsession with actress Lynda Carter when he wrote “The Amazon Warriors” that was influenced by her “Wonder Woman” TV series. In this book, she’s actually the lead character although Hack doesn’t seem to comprehend that the actress and her Wonder Woman character aren’t one and the same and has Ms. Carter actually doing battle with Donald Trump and kicking his pudgy orange ass in the process.