Hack wrote this immediately after his fifth divorce.
Escape from Danger
Category: The Mob
The Mob Boss
The anal sex kingpin of the city is challenged by his stable of prostitutes, who band together to take over his territory. By the end, he is reduced to being a lowly gay hooker who survives by selling anal sex to his former rival mobs.
Queens of the Underworld
Hack’s friends Lacie and Robin are a married lesbian couple who maintain a YouTube channel about the joys and pitfalls of maintaining a sex-sex relationship. Hack is afraid of both of them and wrote this book to suck up to them because he’s terrified of what they’ll do if he ever makes them angry.
Wonder Woman vs. the Fascist Morons
Hack was coy about his obsession with actress Lynda Carter when he wrote “The Amazon Warriors” that was influenced by her “Wonder Woman” TV series. In this book, she’s actually the lead character although Hack doesn’t seem to comprehend that the actress and her Wonder Woman character aren’t one and the same and has Ms. Carter actually doing battle with Donald Trump and kicking his pudgy orange ass in the process.
Liesel Hanson: Girl Photographer
Hack likes to lounge around in women’s lingerie which, he insists, “is strictly a comfort thing.” A photographer (who, unlike the gorgeous young woman in the novel, was actually an obese man in his 60’s with a glass eye) snapped some pictures of Hack in this state and blackmailed him with them for years until Hack realized that everyone knew that he was a pervert and the pictures wouldn’t make a difference in that regard. Hack based this novel on the episode, although it departs radically from how it actually went down.
Innocence Bound
This was one of Hack’s most controversial titles.The city’s mob kingpin has his goons kidnap a senior from a nearby Catholic high school and play cards to see which of the town’s supervillains will take her virginity. Boris gets in the game to save her and just as he is of the verge of winning, he loses the last hand with four aces to the kingpin’s royal flush (Hack doesn’t really understand poker). But just as the kingpin is about to deflower her, Boris takes out a semi-automatic and blows everyone at the table away. It’s a feel-good escapist piece of fluff.
The Diner of Death
Hack used to go to a diner where he would stare at a beautiful woman eating her breakfast with such intensity that she became unnerved and was certain that he wanted to kill her. Hack became so offended that he actually did devise a plot to kill her but it got derailed when he found out that her boyfriend was devising a plot to kill him. Long story short, Hack switched to Denny’s but wrote this book about the experience.
Jonny Macho
Hack was having a drink with his cover artist Jonny M. and one of the gorgeous women Jonny inevitably has with him when a drunk started harassing the young lady. Jonny responded with his fists and when three friends of the drunk tried to come to his defense, they were all taken out on stretchers. As much as Hack despises Jonny, he was impressed by the display and wrote this novel about it.
Pug Rescuer
When Hack heard that his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris came from a Korean pug rescue, he invented this fanciful story where the rescue was an underground spy organization that sneaked the dogs out of the country because a powerful mob was selling them to a pharmaceutical giant for experimentation.
When that turned out to be exactly what happened, Boris tried to have Hack killed.
Running from the Mob
A beautiful young woman used to jog around Hack’s neighborhood and he decided to stalk her by running after her. He suffered a heart attack on his first attempt and wrote this book while in recovery.