First-Time Hussy

When Hack formed yet another crush on a young woman who came into the Shakey’s where he works, he formulated an elaborate plan to win her affections by having some ne’er do wells associates of his pretend to kidnap her father so that he could rescue him, making her fall in love with with him. The scheme inevitably went wrong (as all of Hack’s schemes do) and the associates are serving a life sentence for the father’s murder while Hack once again was set free on a technicality. He wrote this book based on the experience and it’s not a bad read.

Innocence Bound

This was one of Hack’s most controversial titles.The city’s mob kingpin has his goons kidnap a senior from a nearby Catholic high school and play cards to see which of the town’s supervillains will take her virginity. Boris gets in the game to save her and just as he is of the verge of winning, he loses the last hand with four aces to the kingpin’s royal flush (Hack doesn’t really understand poker). But just as the kingpin is about to deflower her, Boris takes out a semi-automatic and blows everyone at the table away. It’s a feel-good escapist piece of fluff.

Runaway Virgin

A virgin sacrificing her innocence to get a man to help her get out of some scandal is a common Hack Werker theme, although all of his vestal characters inexplicably throw themselves into enthusiastically receiving angry anal intercourse as their first sexual encounter. When asked about that, Hack testily replies “my first time was having something shoved up my rectum, and it didn’t do me a bit of harm!” He never elaborates, as he inevitably breaks down weeping after that.