Month: February 2024

Senior Junior Ranger and the Lustful Lion of Badlands Park

When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. recently dined with Bro Joe and their friend Penny, Joe disclosed that he was now designated as a Senior Junior Ranger by the parks department because of his advanced age and shaky mental health. When Penny heard the news, she said how much she enjoyed Hack’s Junior Ranger Books although Joe just complained that the most popular editions featured him being sexually assaulted by animals.

When Hack heard about this conversation, he wrote this novel.

Clown Shoes

When Hack first saw the ridiculous golden sneakers that Donald Trump was selling for $399 a pop, he became so violently ill that he awoke days later in a pool of his own vomit. As he trudged to the bathroom to hose himself off, he regarded the puke caked to his feet and concluded that it looked much better that Trump’s stupid, overpriced shoes.

The Bully Busters

Happy International STAND UP to Bullying Day!

I do feel compelled to point out that whenever Hack writes a book where a bully is a central character, he insists that his friend Tim Storms be depicted as the bully in question because Storms actually has a physique like that and Hack won’t admit it but he’s obsessively jealous about it even though he hasn’t set foot in a gym since he confronted bodybuilding trailblazer Vic Tanny while Tanny was doing squat-thrusts in 1965. Hack was convinced that Tanny was having an affair with his then-wife and challenged him to a fistfight even though it turned out that Tanny had, in fact, never heard of Hack or his wife. Even so, Tanny obliged Hack by tying his larynx in a square knot.

To the point, Tim Storms is actually a really sweet dude who would never bully anyone but when I pointed out to Hack that constantly depicting him as a bully was a form of bullying itself, he told me to shut up unless I wanted him to give me a nipple twister.