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Junior Ranger and the Skateboard of Doom

When his cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe, the basis for the Junior Ranger books, got struck by a skateboarder and his ability to take part in a hike he wanted to go on was endangered, Joe made such a fuss about it that Hack wrote this book to mock him. When it was published, it turned out that there were countless thousands of outdoorsmen who had endured similar injuries so that rather than becoming a laughingstock, Joe was lauded as a folk hero. Hack, by contrast, was widely mocked for his terrible writing.

Space Girls from Space

Hack got his first cell phone in 2017, a 2004 Motorola flip phone that he thought was so amazing that he wrote this erotic sci-fi thriller around it. This wasn’t one of Hack’s better forays into the genre but it did have a scene where the Space Girls start their own phone sex line that is pretty hot.

Junior Ranger and the Killer Kangaroos of the Outback

Disappointed with the reception to “Junior Ranger and the Hellish Hyenas of Togario Alpine Crossing,” Hack decided o take another stab at a Junior Ranger book about Bro Joe’s Australia/New Zealand adventure. He refused to learn from his earlier mistake and didn’t do any research about the countries as all, but his core readership loved the man-eating marsupials of the title and his depiction of anal sex by the aborigines (who, according to the book, “all looked exactly like Halle Berry.”)

Junior Ranger and the Snakes of Tinsel Town

This was the first Junior Ranger book in which Hack try to suck up to one of his celebrity crushes, depicting the legendary Elizabeth Taylor as an actress who Ranger Joe must save from deadly vipers. When Hack approached her at a Hollywood party to discuss a movie adaptation of the book, security took him outside and beat him so badly that he was temporarily paralyzed.

The Dead of Night

Hack ran into some legal trouble when it came out that he had kept a young woman locked in the basement of his publisher John Kane’s beach house for two months. Hack denied any wrongdoing and insisted that the woman had requested that he shackle and gag her, but he grudgingly accepted a plea bargain to escape the death penalty of life imprisonment (although that was reduced to five weeks on a technicality). The story inspired this novel.

Temptation

Hack was still trying to suck up to the disciples of his cover artist Jonny M.’s late pug Winston with this volume, which had Winston coming back from doggie heaven to make his master sexually irresistible to the ladies. The Winstonites, who castrated themselves to be more like their neutered leader, were unimpressed but Jonny M. himself thought it ranked among Hack’s best books.

Angel Out of Hell

When his cover artist Jonny M.’s beloved pug Boris died (although many conspiracy theorists maintain that he staged his death and is now living in the Cayman Islands), Hack was originally overjoyed because he hated Winston and Winston hated him. But when he realized that Winston had a giant following of disciples who lived by his loving and gentle philosophy, Hack quickly cranked out this book in tribute to the pug in the hopes of making himself look good. In every interview since, wherever Winston’s name come up Hack sheds some crocodile tears by plucking a hair out of his nose and says that the pug who he called a menace to society when he was alive as “the best friend I ever had.”