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Veterinary Clinic

His cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston had developed a worldwide following as an ascetic, so Hack was delighted when Winston was hospitalized with a growth on his penis which his veterinarian initially thought was from a sexually transmitted disease. “Now all those mindless simps will see what a phony he is,” Hack rejoiced. The ultimate diagnosis was something non-sexually related, which didn’t stop him from writing this libelous melodrama about a Winston-like pug contracting syphilis and seeing his legions of followers forsake him before he goes insane from the disease. The book caused outrage among Winstonites and when the gentle pug passed away a few months later, the group pulled the sleeping Hack out of his van, tarred and feathered him and ran him out of town on a rail.

The Boob Cup

This was one of Hack’s biggest successes, inspired by his friend Glenn Simon and his unnatural attachment to a cup shaped like a woman’s mammary gland. When an actual woman tries to come between Glenn and the cup, she quickly realizes that the novelty crockery has erotic powers that work to her benefit as well as his.

Hack has always been known for the power of the sex scenes in his books, but the ones in this are absolutely mind-blowing.

Escape from Hell

When Hack learned that his cover artist Jonny M. was friends with a married lesbian couple who had a YouTube vlog about lesbian issues, Hack nearly lost his mind and immediately wrote this erotic thriller about two insatiable nymphomaniacs who are only interested in having threesomes with themselves and some well-hung dude which they would film and post on YouTube. Only after the book was published did Hack bother watching the vlog and realize that Jonny’s friends were actually a happily married couple who just made funny videos providing relationship advice based on their own experiences. He was inconsolable for months.

Barbeque

When his celebrity crush Frances Fisher appeared in a play called “Barbeque” in Los Angeles, Hack stole the title for a erotic trifle about a Frances Fisher-like actress who tempts all the males in the neighborhood with her luscious sweet meats. It eventually becomes known in the story that she’s pretty good at barbequing too.

The Pug Peed on the Corpse

When Hack finally recarpeted the van that he sleeps in after forty years, the first thing his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston did was urinate on a small section of it. Hack was furious at first until he realized that after four decades of sleeping on soiled carpeting, he couldn’t sleep on anything else. So he invited Winston back the next day to pee on the rest of it.

His cover artist Jonny M. found the subject matter distasteful and only agreed to make it if Hack would make the character based on him give Joan Crawford the greatest orgasm of her life just before the murder took place. They compromised and had him on the verge of satisfying Joan just before Bette Davis gunned her down. Jonny finally agreed that his not being able to satisfy a woman to conclusion had a much stronger basis in reality.

Finish Line of Death

When it appeared more and more like Actors’ Equity was working against the will of its members trying to destroy small theatre in Los Angeles, Hack wrote this last book on the theme to drive the final nail into the coffin. When it became obvious that AEA leadership was going to do what it wanted no matter what happened, Hack threw up his hands in frustration and went back to writing about anal sex.

Photochopped

When his cover artist Jonny M.friend and Hack’s celebrity crush Frances Fisher began appearing on the covers of Hack’s books, she was initially amused by it. She even sent Jonny an image she found on the Internet and dared Jonny to make a cover from it. Jonny took her up on the challenge and when Hack saw the cover, he had the complete novel written less than an hour later.

Timeshare

Immediately after completing his run as Shakespeare’s Richard III, his cover artist Jonny M. appeared in a new play written by his friend Steve B. Green called “Timeshare.” Once again, Hack was so impressed that he decided to write a sequel in novel form but instead of doing it with a classic in public domain like “Richard III,” he did it with Green’s original play without obtaining the rights. When Jonny saw the manuscript, he had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital where he was contractually obligated to make the cover art for the book. Fortunately, it all ended well as Green loved what Hack did with his characters and the two collaborated on an opera based on Green’s play “Three Really Offensive Scenes about the Founding Fathers.”

The Ghost of Richard III

When he saw his cover artist Jonny M. give his definitive performance as Shakespeare’s Richard III, Hack was so impressed that he wrote this sequel where the hunchback king comes back to life and blows away all of his surviving enemies. Hack’s version remained surprisingly true to Shakespeare’s original except that while he was waiting in the afterlife, Richard seemed to have developed an insatiable desire for anal sex.