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This is Hack’s final book about the stern and passionate Madam Rosie. His friend Rosanna De Candia told him that she’d “slice him from neck to nuts” if he completed it, so the story stops abruptly on page 78 and the rest is filled out by a short story Hack wrote in 1959 about cross-dressers in the US Coast Guard. Strangely, no one seemed to notice.
Gorgeous prostitutes start vanishing from the city, interesting no one but the hero (who Hack had such little interest in as a character that he didn’t even give him a name) and his faithful dog. It turns out the prostitutes are being kept in a barge that will transport them to the private island of the evil warlord Vlad Werkowski (Hack’s father’s real name) where they will live out their lives as sex slaves. The prostitutes bide their time in the ship’s hull having lesbian sex until the tide turns so that they can begin their journey but just as it does, the hero and his dog creep onboard to beat the living daylights out of the crew and release the girls. The prostitutes thank him with a massive orgy.
It’s not as good as it sounds.
Hack was still so turned on by the beating his friend Rosanna De Candia gave him that inspired “Madam Rosie” that when he got out of the hospital, he started annoying her so that she would do it again. The result was this novel.
Hack got in an argument with his friend Rosanna De Candia which ended in her pummeling the living hell out of him. This turned Hack on more than he could say so he wrote this book from his hospital bed.
Hack begged his producer John Kane for years to let him appear in the cheap porn flicks shot in Kane’s Van Nuys garage, but the most Kane would ever do is let Hack work the clap board before takes and occasionally serve as a fluffer. He turned those experiences into this highly fanciful novel in which a Catholic schoolgirl starts at the bottom of the porn industry and cuts a ruthless path to becoming the biggest star in the business. The character of Bruno Rathburn, the fabulously successful porn star whose genitals are so huge that any actress who performs in a sex scene with him runs the risk of being cut in half, was clearly based on Hack himself. He later admitted in interviews that being a porn star was his dream life and he deeply resented Kane for not allowing him to live it.
The story of a high-end gigolo. Hack swears that this is based on his actual experiences in the trade but records show that he was recovering from a penile fracture he suffered in a bar fight during the period it takes place, so his claims are dubious.
The story of the downfall of a young gay prostitute. Hack claims that it is total fiction but refuses to explain why he has the main character’s name tattooed on his taint.
One of Hack’s friend Rosanna De Candia’s seventeen Instagram profiles is “The Frugal Fashionista” in which she illustrates her ability to dress like a million bucks on a five dollar budget. This novel was yet another failed effort on Hack’s part to try and get into Ms. De Candia’s fashionable pants, which netted him nothing but a major league ass-kicking from her the first time she saw him after reading it.
Hack based this story on his third marriage which he intended to stage as a sham wedding to get a woman he was obsessed with to have sex with him. She turned the tables on him and replaced the defrocked minister he hired to perform the ceremony with a real justice of the peace, so their marriage was legal and lasted for six months until she filed for divorce on the grounds on mental cruelty. It was the longest-lasting of Hack’s six marriages.
This novel was inspired by an unpleasant incident in Hack’s past when he tried to pass himself off as an evangelical minister. He was ultimately run out town on a rail and some of the tar and feathers that they covered him in remains embedded in his anus to this very day.