The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
The prostitutes of worked in the brothel that he hung out in as a child would tease young Herschel that they had all had sex with Santa and that Saint Nick was into some pretty hardcore stuff. One day, an immensely obese man with a long white beard came in for a BDSM session and Hack attacked him with a butcher knife, claiming he would kill him if he ever saw him again. Hack spent the next forty years trying to hunt down Santa and even staged an expedition to the North Pole to track him down.
This was based on an incident when Hack was living in the basement of a woman he was attracted to, leading to (in Hack’s words) “a big misunderstanding.” It ended amicably, with the woman allowing Hack to publish this novel that he wrote in jail as long as he agreed to stay at least 500 yards away from her at all times.
Hack took some side-work helping a friend build an outdoor barbeque and somehow accidentally bricked himself in. No one noticed until the first cookout when they heard Hack’s screams through the smoke and rising temperature. Anyway, Hack based this book on the experience.
A motorcycle gang comprised on men in their fifties ascend up a local girls high school and introduce the Valedictorian to the wonders of anal intercourse on her 18th birthday. But a gorgeous student teacher spanks the defiance out of her and when she receives an acceptance letter to Harvard on graduation day, she thanks her guardian angel with a torrid weekend of violent lesbian sex. Very loosely based on the teenage years of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
When Hack formed yet another crush on a young woman who came into the Shakey’s where he works, he formulated an elaborate plan to win her affections by having some ne’er do wells associates of his pretend to kidnap her father so that he could rescue him, making her fall in love with with him. The scheme inevitably went wrong (as all of Hack’s schemes do) and the associates are serving a life sentence for the father’s murder while Hack once again was set free on a technicality. He wrote this book based on the experience and it’s not a bad read.
While she’s picking the one to be her lover, she has sex with everyone (male and female) in the village. (Spoiler alert: she winds up running away with the pug.)
Three co-workers (a man, a woman and a pug) return to work after a three-day weekend to find that their office building has become a jungle infested with terrorist guerilla fighters. (Hack doesn’t have a firm grasp of the realities of working a 9-5 job.)
A former mob kingpin who has gone straight goes back to his hometown to clean up the criminal element. The gorgeous female DA is so grateful that she rewards him with anal sex.
The anal sex kingpin of the city is challenged by his stable of prostitutes, who band together to take over his territory. By the end, he is reduced to being a lowly gay hooker who survives by selling anal sex to his former rival mobs.
A man sees a woman in a bar and he propositions, whereupon she shoots him down and tells him to get lost. He buys her five glasses of white wine and they go back to her place for anal sex.
That took Hack over 200 pages to tell in this book.