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A man sees a woman in a bar and he propositions, whereupon she shoots him down and tells him to get lost. He buys her five glasses of white wine and they go back to her place for anal sex.
That took Hack over 200 pages to tell in this book.
Hack based the second story in this two-parter on his cover artist Jonny M.’ friend, the renowned opera singer Jesse Merlin. When Hack badgered Jonny to introduce him, Hack said afterwards that “I was so overcome by Merlin’s masculine charm that it was the one time I would have willingly gone gay with another man.” Hack had, of course, unwillingly gone gay on countless occasions.
“The Man No Woman Could Resist” was one of the hundreds of short stories Hack wrote about seducing pop legend Linda Ronstadt. In it, the superstar singer stalks a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction novels until she shows up unannounced one night at his penthouse apartment for a night of violent anal sex. He wrote it while defending himself a restraining order placed against him by a 55 year-old singing waitress who he kept badgering to join him in the van that he lives in for a night of violent anal sex.
A gorgeous female biker and her boyfriend terrorize a neighborhood market until a tough cop tells them to move along, so they do. The actual story is only 15 pages so Hack uses the rest to timeline the countless occasions when his abusive father would batter him.
Two world-class art thieves attempt to steal the most famous painting in the world from the Louvre Museum in Paris but spend most of their time having anal sex. The Louvre would later use this novel as part of their training for new security guards.
This was Hack’s first attempt at a children’s book. He didn’t understand the format at all and peppered it with scenes of anal sex (the ones with the giant violating the normal-sized women he holds captive are especially disturbing). It was a disaster as a kids’ book but Hustler Magazine named it one of their 10 best novels of the year.
This was one of Hack’s most controversial titles.The city’s mob kingpin has his goons kidnap a senior from a nearby Catholic high school and play cards to see which of the town’s supervillains will take her virginity. Boris gets in the game to save her and just as he is of the verge of winning, he loses the last hand with four aces to the kingpin’s royal flush (Hack doesn’t really understand poker). But just as the kingpin is about to deflower her, Boris takes out a semi-automatic and blows everyone at the table away. It’s a feel-good escapist piece of fluff.
Hack swears up and down that this was a true story but it turned out to have the exact same plot as an old Linda Blair movie he watch on Cinemax once while he was high on reefer, so I kind of doubt it.
Hack used to go to a diner where he would stare at a beautiful woman eating her breakfast with such intensity that she became unnerved and was certain that he wanted to kill her. Hack became so offended that he actually did devise a plot to kill her but it got derailed when he found out that her boyfriend was devising a plot to kill him. Long story short, Hack switched to Denny’s but wrote this book about the experience.
One time a kid on a bicycle yelled something rude to a woman in the Shakey’s parking lot where Hack lives in his van and Hack chewed the kid out and made him apologize. Somehow that story evolved into this. If the book is to be believed, that lady in the parking lot was really into anal sex.