The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Since Hack lives in a van parked in the Shakey’s Pizza Parlor where he works as a night janitor, he is forced to shower at a local YMCA. One day to try and speed up his morning routine, he plugged his toaster into a nearby outlet and brought it into the shower so he could watch his Eggo waffles cook. When he regained consciousness, he wrote this story.
This was based on one of Hack’s many efforts to bring down his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris. He hired a gorgeous prostitute to promise to have sex with Jonny if he would betray Boris in an assassination attempt Hack had set up. Jonny refused to betray the pug but the prostitute had sex with him anyway, and Hack wound up shooting his own toe off when they conned him into believing that the scheme would go off as planned.
Hack took some side-work helping a friend build an outdoor barbeque and somehow accidentally bricked himself in. No one noticed until the first cookout when they heard Hack’s screams through the smoke and rising temperature. Anyway, Hack based this book on the experience.
“A secretary spends her entire work day receiving anal sex from her married boss. One wonders when they ever got any work done around there.”
– The Tolucan Times
A motorcycle gang comprised on men in their fifties ascend up a local girls high school and introduce the Valedictorian to the wonders of anal intercourse on her 18th birthday. But a gorgeous student teacher spanks the defiance out of her and when she receives an acceptance letter to Harvard on graduation day, she thanks her guardian angel with a torrid weekend of violent lesbian sex. Very loosely based on the teenage years of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
When Hack formed yet another crush on a young woman who came into the Shakey’s where he works, he formulated an elaborate plan to win her affections by having some ne’er do wells associates of his pretend to kidnap her father so that he could rescue him, making her fall in love with with him. The scheme inevitably went wrong (as all of Hack’s schemes do) and the associates are serving a life sentence for the father’s murder while Hack once again was set free on a technicality. He wrote this book based on the experience and it’s not a bad read.
Hack’s fascination with biker chicks is so intense that when he saw a woman on a Harley Davidson riding through the Shakey’s parking lot where he works as a night janitor, he wrote this novel on the spot in about twenty minutes. Over 100 pages of it is devoted to a single scene where she engages in anal sex with the night janitor of a pizza parlor, but still…twenty minutes.
While she’s picking the one to be her lover, she has sex with everyone (male and female) in the village. (Spoiler alert: she winds up running away with the pug.)
Hack wrote this as soon as he heard that his celebrity crush Frances Fisher was performing the play of the same title. As always, he did no research so he thought the story was about a literal lion. It’s best read under the influence of weed.
Hack was surprised to discover that his books sold well south of the border, so he wrote this one in Spanish using Google Translate with his musical crush Linda Ronstadt as the heroine. Sadly it sold poorly in Mexico (where it was considered incomprehensible) but it was an unexpected hit in Thailand.