Category: Beautiful Babes

Maximum Wage

Hack’s first book for the Pro99 campaign was such a success that he decided to include more actresses that he was infatuated with on the cover in an attempt to win their favor. For this book, he set his sites on famed Twitter pundit Lisa Glass (who he had already depicted on the cover of an earlier novel “Too Fat to Carry”). As was always the case when Hack used his literary output to hit on women out of his league, Ms. Glass found Hack to be a retched and unsettling character and asked him to leave her “the hell alone.” As usual, Hack refused to take no for an answer and featured her on more book covers than almost any other model.

Farm Stud

Hack based this novel on his friend Eddie Frierson, who hails from Tennessee. For years, Frierson pretended to be illiterate to avoid having to read any of Hack’s books. The rouse was almost discovered when Hack learned that Frierson was actually a graduate of UCLA but when he found out that it was on a sports scholarship, Frierson’s inability to read seemed more plausible than ever.

She Tried to Be Good

There was a small theater across the street from the Shakey’s where Hack works as a janitor and he wrote this to try and impress an actress there who he had a crush on. Rather than having the desired effect, her boyfriend dropped in on the van Hack that lives in in the parking lot of the pizzeria and tied his face into a knot.

Pirate of Love

Hack can’t get anywhere near the water without violently puking his guts out and this romance on the high seas is based on the time he took his second wife in the paddle boats on Tiny Lake Balboa in the San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles and had to be air-lifted to a nearby hospital. The paramedics immediately discovered that he gets airsick too so all in all, it was a pretty messy day.

Devil Woman

Hack’s second wife claims that she wrote this novel about a manipulative sex-obsessed ne’er-do-well based on Hack and that he stole it and changed the gender of the main characters. The charge bears out when reading the final climatic scene between the hero and the “Devil Woman” in which he drives her out of the house by repeatedly mocking her tiny penis.

Black Widow

Hack claims that this novel is based on a real woman he knew who would murder any man after having sex with him once. His publisher John Kane has admitted that he knows the woman and that she’s been married for 30 years to the same man by whom she has three children and that Hack made up the lie to explain why he refused to have sex with her when, in reality, it was she who refused to have sex with him. It’s a pretty good book though, with a nice subplot about a lonely clown.

Rock ‘n Roll Gal

Hack’s second novel was also the second to be reissued by John Kane with a new cover by Jonny M. and was also a smash hit. Hack always loathed Rock ‘n Roll music and blamed it for society’s downfall. This is the story of Lacie, a good girl who listens to her first Bill Haley and His Comets record and quickly descends into a world of reefer and anal sex.