Despite being one of the most cynical people on earth and an avowed atheist, Hack is inexplicably a devoted believer in Santa Claus. The fact that he has never received a Christmas present in his life has only made him bitterly resentful of Saint Nick and he has vowed to kill him if he can ever get his hands on him. This book chronicles his many unsuccessful attempts to do in the jolly old elf, including the unsolved murder of a department store Santa which authorities spent decades trying to prosecute Hack for but ultimately had to drop the case for insufficient evidence.