The Client was on the Titanic

Hack’s obsession with actress Frances Fisher caused him to watch the film “Titanic” over a hundred times and he became consumed with theory that the door that Rose floated to safety on at the end while Jack froze to death clinging to its side was easily big enough to hold Rose and Jack. While most of Hack’s books top out at about 175-200 pages, this one is over fifteen hundred pages long because it contains Hack’s elaborate theories about why the door couldn’t hold them both.

Jonny of the Mounties

When Hack learned that his celebrity crush Mara Marini (best known for playing porn star Brandi Maxxxx on “Parks & Recreation”) was originally from Canada, he wrote this saga of the Mounties to try and impress her. It failed miserably on that score, largely because Hack seems to be under the impression that Mounties spend all their time rescuing virgins from being tied to railroad tracks and engaging in anal sex.