Spanking Putin’s Ass
Category: Jonny M. Adventure
Friday’s Child
Giving Death The Finger
Catnip to the Ladies
A Bed of Rosies
This was the final “Jonny M. Adventure” in which Jonny’s love interest is Hack’s friend Rosanna De Candia. It is really just a long list of the sexual fantasies Hack has had about Ms. De Candia over the years connected by a loose plot in which she and Jonny foil some foreign agents by beating the hell out of them. When the book came out, Ms. De Candia tracked Hack down and beat the hell out of him.
The Kiss of Death
When someone walked in on Hack in the bathroom passionately kissing his own reflection in the mirror, he claimed that he was researching a new novel and that this half-hearted effort which came out a few weeks later was the result. The reality is that Hack has been seen making out with his own reflection countless times, as early as 1949, so no one really believed him.
London After Dark
Hack wrote this Jonny M. adventure in a transparent attempt to rip off the success of the Twilight series. Jonny travels to London do do battle with a lot of super-hot vampires and winds up killing the queen vampire when he impales her with his tragically misshapen genitalia, which is somehow shaped like a cross.
Too Many Dames
When his cover artist Jonny M. complained that he had too many women to sexually satisfy in his life, Hack wrote this book in a fit of jealous rage. It’s not a bad read.
Mayonnaise is Nonsense
This book was completed when Hack attended a Super Bowl party at his hayseed friend Eddie Frierson’s house and Frierson pitched this ridiculous title. Hack’s eyes caught fire at the suggestion and he rewrote the manuscript overnight to match it.
Lust in the Dust
Hack tried to exploit the success of the Jonny M. series by putting its branding on hodgepodge of some of his kinkiest sexual fantasies that he wrote to clear up a gambling debt. It sold well but the gangsters broke his kneecaps anyway.