The Thong Defensive

Hack wrote this in response to the controversy surrounding movie posters and book covers that depict women’s body parts without showing their heads. He decided to do a gender switch and show Jonny and Boris’ posteriors adorned in thongs while the only face gracing the scene is the gorgeous Commie spy they’re saving the American way of life from. No one picked up on the ironic point Hack was trying to make but the book’s sales were boosted by weight loss clinics that used the cover as a appetite suppressant.

The Male Sleaze Rectum

Hack’s favorite novel is Dashiell Hammet’s The Maltese Falcon, which contains a scene in which a thousand dollar bill goes missing, so detective Sam Spade performs a strip search on the femme fatale anti-heroine. The scene was excised from the famous 1941 film version starring Humphrey Bogart (when the notorious Production Code in effect at the time didn’t permit such onscreen shenanigans) but it’s included in the 1931 pre-code adaptation in which the luscious Bebe Daniels is the recipient of the humiliating frisk.

When Hack wrote this rip-off of the Hammet story, he included the pat-down, but he inexplicably made Jonny M. the target of it instead of the female lead (who is physically an exact double for Bebe Daniels). The result is disturbing, to say the least.