Hack binged the sitcom “The Office” one weekend and fell in love with star Jenna Fischer as a result. This was the unfortunate result.
The Office
Month: August 2019
“I Think She Really Likes Me”
Hack based this novel on the trophy wife of a multi-millionaire he once knew whose spouse mysteriously disappeared the day after Hack was heard bragging to all of his friends that she’d agreed to have sex with him if he murdered her husband. The police declared the case unsolved when she disappeared the day after Hack was heard complaining to all of his friends that she’d reneged on her promise to have sex with him.
The Hotel Closet
In a period when Hack was in dire financial straits, he tried to make money as a gay prostitute. He quickly discovered that he was as sexually repellent to man as to women.
The Garbage Collectors
A former mob kingpin who has gone straight goes back to his hometown to clean up the criminal element. The gorgeous female DA is so grateful that she rewards him with anal sex.
The Mob Boss
The anal sex kingpin of the city is challenged by his stable of prostitutes, who band together to take over his territory. By the end, he is reduced to being a lowly gay hooker who survives by selling anal sex to his former rival mobs.
Murder for Hire
When he found out that his cover artist Jonny M. was an actual friend of his biggest celebrity crush Frances Fisher, Hack became so consumed with jealousy that he wrote this novel as retribution. As with many of Hack’s novels though, he lost focus while writing and the last three quarters of the thing jarringly turn into a story that has nothing to do with what it started as. There is one amazingly graphic orgy scene between the inhabitants of two warring planets that almost makes it worthwhile.
Badass Chick/Imaginary Lover
These two short stories were packaged as a novel in this “Two Great Books Under One Cover.” Of special interest is “Imaginary Lover” which Hack wrote about his friend Glenn Simon’s fascination with 1970’s sex kitten Joey Heatherton, which is essentially a 75-page sex fantasy that somehow found its way into print. It won an O. Henry Award.
Concertina Madness
Hack went through many phases where he thought that playing a musical instrument would make him irresistible to women. The concertina era was probably the most disastrous where he would confront random women frantically pumping the bellows (which he had no concept of how to actually play) and then proposition them sexually, inevitably receiving a brutal beating from their male companions or from the women themselves (often both). He wrote this highly idealized novelization of the experiment in which the fictional version of himself was infinitely more successful with the ladies than he was in real life.
Five Glasses of White Wine
A man sees a woman in a bar and he propositions, whereupon she shoots him down and tells him to get lost. He buys her five glasses of white wine and they go back to her place for anal sex.
That took Hack over 200 pages to tell in this book.
Secretarial Pool Slut
A stenographer in the secretarial pool of a big corporation gets passed around the top executives for anal sex until she becomes president of the company and fires them all.