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Some of Them Were Vulcans

When Hack saw his cover artist Jonny M.’s new Christmas tree ornament depicting evil Spock with a beard from the Star Trek episode “Mirror, Mirror,” he was fascinated; especially when Jonny explained that the episode contained his favorite line “my operatives will avenge my death…and some of them are Vulcans.” The threat was directed at evil Mr. Sulu who appeared to shit his pants at the warning, making Hack wonder exactly what evil Spock’s Vulcan operatives were capable of.

Hack provided the answer with this novel. If you seen the “Mirror, Mirror” episode and imagined what evil Spock was referring to, be warned: what’s described in the book is much worse.

Continue reading “Some of Them Were Vulcans”

Top Dog

When Hack heard that a pug named Vito had won the 2024 National Dog Show, he penned this novel to rub it in the face of his cover artist Jonny M. and his pug Boris. When presented the manuscript, Jonny just told him that every dog owner knew that their dog was the best dog (and they were all right about it) and Boris just peed on Hack’s shoes, sending him on s drunken bender that ended with him in county lockup for ninety days. It was all business as usual.

I Love Harpo

Happy heavenly birthday to Harpo Marx!

This novel was inspired by the legendary scene in Duck Soup in which Harpo is caught in the president’s Mansion of Freedonia by Groucho and pretends to be his mirror image. The bit got an equally historic revival on an I Love Lucy episode where the kooky redhead tried to pull the same con against Harpo in his hotel room. In Hack’s version, Boris and Jonny break into the Freedonia White House to get Ricky Ricardo to cast them in his nightclub act, only to have to act out the bit once more when Harpo comes across them in the President’s bedroom. The deception inevitably falls apart and ends with Harpo sodomizing Jonny with his iconic squeeze horn cane while Freedonian President Rufus T. Firefly, Lucy Ricardo and Boris look on while laughing hysterically.

Click here for Harpo’s I Love Lucy mirror scene