Blonde on the Run
Category: Adult Content
The Sex Robot
Hack wrote this when a female friend told him via Zoom that she was getting through the isolation of the Coronavirus quarantine by having sex with a dress mannequin that she had strapped a cucumber to. When Hack offered to come over and provide the service himself, she turned him down saying that she would find it too degrading.
Jonny’s Women
The all-true story of Hack’s cover artist Jonny M’s interactions with the fairer sex. This is one of Hack’s most accurate ventures into the field of historical fiction.
The cover art of its first edition printing met with universal mockery from the women who were depicted in it, so Hack insisted that a new cover be created for its 2024 reprint. It’s a far more accurate depiction of Jonny’s relationship with the ladies.
Her Motive Was Lust
A gorgeous woman appears to have murdered her male roommate and hires her ex-lover Detective Jonny to solve the case. It turns out that the roommate faked his own death and the pair pinned it on Jonny, who gets as far as having the noose placed over his head on the gallows when Hack suddenly lost interest in the story and spent the last twenty pages railing against his abusive father.
The Blackmailers
For some reason Hack lives in mortal fear of being blackmailed, although no one can quite figure out why because he’s put so much dirt about himself in his novels that nothing could possibly come out that is worse than what the world already knows.
The Three-Way
Hack had to go into hiding after publishing this novel about a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction novelist who is so sexually potent that women have to take him on two at a time in order to survive the encounter. The main female protagonist was clearly based on his friend Rosanna De Candia who, when she saw the cover, vowed to “hunt Hack down like the dog he is.” Ms. De Candia finally forgave Hack after his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris (who was also depicted as a character) attacked Hack’s groin so savagely that he was hospitalized for three months.
Princess Harmony: Warrior Goddess of the Underworld
A warrior princess enters the world of men to find a mate, where she meets a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction to copulate with. She can only get pregnant anally, so they spend the rest of the novel having backdoor sex until she finally spits out a tiny egg (so that she won’t ruin her smokin’ hot body with pregnancy) that hatches into another gorgeous woman who needs to have anal sex with the pulp fiction writer to survive. Hack considers this one of his best books.
They Wanted to Sell Books
The title of this book was supposed to be “Mob Informant” but the copywriter who came up with the text for the cover took his conversation with publisher John Kane too literally and laid out this instead. Hack was angry until the new title sold three times as many copies as expected.
Dangerous Gams and The Mystery of the Heart-Shaped Bed
For the third installment of the “Dangerous Gams” saga, Hack pitted detectives Jonny and Boris against each other as Snow Mercy played a dangerous game of cat and mouse. He painted himself in the corner at the end so he took the cop-out of making it all a dream, but there was enough graphic sex to make the fans happy.
The Cult of Jonny
Hack became so obsessively jealous of his cover artist Jonny M.’s ability to effortlessly attract women that he called it “nothing but a goddamned cult.” He wrote this book to mock Jonny but it became such gospel to the countless women who desired him that they mimicked the Jonny branding ceremony on the cover by getting Jonny tattoos. Hack nearly lost his mind when he heard about it.