The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
While people were “social distancing” during the Covid-19 pandemic, Hack found himself taking a lot of videoconference meetings for which he only bothered to dress above the waist. So he took the titular character from his earlier success “The Dude with the Giant Wang” and put him in the same situation. It sold like hotcakes.
When Hack’s friend Harmony Sanchez celebrated a birthday, he wondered what was the best present to get her and the only thing he could think of was a monstrously huge Johnson. Since a> Ms. Sanchez finds Hack physically repulsive and b> his own member is famously tiny, he wrote this in tribute to her.
Since Hack describes his characters so generically, his cover artist Jonny M. uses the people he or Hack know as the basis for them. When the model for this book complained bitterly of being depicted as a cuckold, Jonny included him in this adaptation of the painting “Nighthawks” to placate him.
When Hack heard that everyone had to stay indoors because of the Covid-19 virus, he figured that meant that he could coerce beautiful young woman into shacking up in his bug-infested van. Instead, the few he was able to speak with carried six-foot poles to ensure that people were keeping their proper distance and if Hack tried to get any closer than that, they would crack him over the head with them.
This story was originally titled “Anal Justice” about a stern dominatrix who taught her slaves obedience with a strap-on dildo. Hack rewrote it as a political allegory with the dominatrix recast as a progressive Democrat politician and it became a huge seller in college towns.
When most bars closed down during the coronavirus pandemic, Hack wrote this to remind everyone that there were still PLENTY of good ways to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.
Hack wrote this after being especially irritated by his cover artist Jonny M. and telling his friend world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy about it. When she told Hack how she would have handled Jonny’s obnoxious arrogance, he based this novel on it.
This novel was based on Hack’s experiences growing up in the brutally harsh Romanian Catholic Church that his strict father Vlad dragged him to every Sunday. Now an avowed atheist, Hack sometimes reenacts episodes from his youth following a typical church service where he is Vlad and a prostitute with an open mind and a high pain tolerance portrays him.
Hack wrote this book after lunching with his cover artist Jonny M. and Jonny insisting that everyone in the restaurant (male and female) found him sexually irresistible after taking a single glance at him. Hack was furious when it turned out to be true.
Hack thought that if he wrote a book about International Women’s Day that he would get laid left and right. It’s about a guy who writes a book about International Women’s Day and gets laid left and right for it.
Life did not imitate art.