One of the countless celebrities Hack is obsessed with is Twitter influencer Lisa Glass. He wrote this to try and impress her but its publication led instead to her filing a restraining order, as usual.
Love Trumps Hate
Category: Adult Content
The Bottomless Popcorn Bucket
A nostalgic reminiscence from Hack’s teenage years when he would take girls to the movies, buy a bucket of popcorn and punch out the bottom, and then wait for them to inevitably dig for a handful of his Johnson. He ultimately spent so much money on popcorn without result that he fantasized that someone would just play the trick on him. It never happened.
She Worked For Tips
This is a (relatively) true story about a young, free-thinking pizza delivery girl who has a torrid affair with an aging lothario after he tips twenty dollars on a $14.50 order. Hack really was the aging lothario in the novel but unlike the hottie depicted in the story, the real delivery girl not only had a skin condition and a limp but she turned out to be a dude.
Even so, Hack considers it to be one of the great love stories of his life.
Dick Pix
Hack became obsessed with sending selfies of his withered genitalia to potential online lovers and wrote this self-indulgent fantasy in which he falls down a rabbit hole made up of a sub-culture of gorgeous women who actually enjoy dick pix. In the novel, they number in the thousands but according to Hack’s years of research on the subject, the real number is actually a hard zero.
The Five-Way
Hack wrote this novel after his cover artist Jonny M. described his plans for the weekend, which were a literal playing out of the circumstances of the title. Hack changed the participants in the orgy to female TV newscasters he had crushes on and jumped out a third floor window immediately after finishing the manuscript. He ended up with only minor injuries while Jonny had to deal with a case of chlamydia.
Too Many Dames
When his cover artist Jonny M. complained that he had too many women to sexually satisfy in his life, Hack wrote this book in a fit of jealous rage. It’s not a bad read.
Her Dream Lover
This is one of the few recent Hack Werker novels that didn’t depict Boris the pug on its cover. The sales were disastrous.
The Psychopath
Hack wrote this book after someone on the social network called him a psychopath because of the content of his books.
Mr. Sex
A virgin begs an itinerant stranger to instruct her in the ways of anal sex.
“One of the most disgusting pieces of trash ever written.” – The Tolucan Times
The Vegeance of Madam Rosie
This is Hack’s final book about the stern and passionate Madam Rosie. His friend Rosanna De Candia told him that she’d “slice him from neck to nuts” if he completed it, so the story stops abruptly on page 78 and the rest is filled out by a short story Hack wrote in 1959 about cross-dressers in the US Coast Guard. Strangely, no one seemed to notice.