Category: Art and Artists

The African Jack

Hack was watching the Humphrey Bogart/Katharine Hepburn classic The African Queen this weekend and, while he liked it well enough, he thought it could have been greatly improved by the inclusion of several graphic sex scenes (rare for 1951 major studio releases). When he learned that today was Ms. Hepburn’s birthday, he decided to right the wrong by rewriting the story to his perverse specifications (making just enough changes to avoid yet another plagiarism suit).

I hate to admit it, but it’s a lot better than the original.

Brain Transplant in the Wax Museum

Hack had long wanted to write a mystery set in a wax museum and when he finally got around to crapping out this one, he was so happy with the result that he celebrated by dripping hot candle wax on his junk for two hours. The book became one of his all-time best sellers and his royalties paid for the skin grafts he would need to repair the damage.

The Eye of the Beholder

This is one of Hack’s more esoteric novels, inspired by a holiday called Beautiful Day, which celebrates all things of beauty. Hack had an idea for a story in which the hero seeks out “true beauty” but he and his cover artist Jonny M. discussed what was beautiful to them and they could only think of hot chicks, to which their male friends agreed. Jonny’s pug Boris suggested pug food, so that was thrown into the mix but the resulting story was only seven pages long. Fortunately, Hack started getting suggestions from female acquaintances along the lines of painting, music and natural phenomenons like sunrises, inspiring faces, and the white plastic bag from American Beauty, which gave Hack enough material (padded by a bunch of his signature anal sex scenes) for a full-length novel (and one of his better ones).