The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
One of Hack’s most exciting detective novels. He was sued by the estate of Raymond Chandler because the book is a shameless rip-off of “The Big Sleep” but the suit fell apart in court because both Hack and Chandler’s novels had equally incomprehensible stories.
An account executive at a major advertising firm hires a secretary for her excellent typing and stenographic skills but ultimately comes to rely on her primarily for her enthusiasm for anal sex. Typical Hack Werker fare.
When the scandal about wealthy celebrities lying about their kids’ extracurricular activities in order to get them into good colleges broke, Hack did some digging and learned that his favorite Twitter pundit Lisa Glass was a Stanford graduate (since since we’re talking about Hack Werker here, “digging” meant that he read it in her Twitter bio). He decided no one that hot could get into a school like that based on academic merit so he wrote this novel which is pretty accurately summed up on the cover. Glass sued and while it turned out that her academic record was outstanding, the judge decided that she was too hot to have gone to an Ivy League school and dismissed the case.
Along with virgins being deflowered with anal sex, Hack’s most revisited theme is “she would do ANYTHING for him…including MURDER!” This novel is a standard Hack Werker treatment on the topic with a surprise plot twist that the two women are virgins who get deflowered with anal sex.
This is based on yet another of Hack’s revenge scams that backfired on him. He made a list of everyone who had wronged him and then made a plan to have sex with all of them only to watch their horrified faces the next morning after they realized what they’d done. But the first person that he tried it with passed along a rare STD that caused his penis to shrink to microscopic size, where it remains to this day.
When his cover artist Jonny M. and his pug Boris saved a beautiful woman from being hit by a car, Hack was furious that she rewarded the pair (Boris with a case of Milk Bone dog biscuits, Jonny with a weekend of intense sex) instead of recognizing them as the idiots he knows them to be. Hack wrote this novel to educate the world about the truth as he sees it regarding the two.
Hack’s take on women in prison. Butt Lust Magazine called it “inarguably the finest novel ever written.”
Hack’s friend Rosanna De Candia would become a regular fixture in his novels but this one was the first that he based on her. After she read it, she hit him over the head with a monkey wrench.
This was based on a strange story his cover artist Jonny M. told Hack about a beautiful woman who couldn’t decide between Jonny and his pug Boris. She ultimately picked Boris but Boris rejected her because after all, he’s a freaking dog.