The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack wrote this as a birthday present to his cover artist Jonny M., who Hack has long said he wished was dead. When Jonny’s pug Boris saw the cover, he bit Hack through the seat of his pants; chomping off a large section of his left butt cheek.
One of Hack’s “socially conscious” novels that tried to talk about the horrors of venereal disease (it was originally published under the title “She Gave Me the Clap”) but is riddled with medical inaccuracies (“If only she’d known that if she simply taken it up the ass instead of in the vah-jay-jay that she would have been fine. When…OH WHEN!…will women realize that anal sex is the road to their salvation?”) The sex scenes were awesome though and Hack later wrote a sequel “Return of the Slut.”
One of Hack’s many attempts to rip off James Bond, this time with a female version of the super-spy. It was a success with the public and Hack was asked to write a sequel but he refused, saying “I put more energy than usual in the male characters who seduced Paige Simon and I found myself getting more and more charged up by them. If I wrote a sequel, there’s no doubt in my mind that I would end up gay.”
When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. saw his friend Frances Fisher in the play “Native Gardens” at the Pasadena Playhouse, she told him that she was expecting her first grandchild. This intensified Hack’s already manic obsession with the actress because he’s “always had a thing for grandmothers,” so he wrote this very strange book about the fetish. After it was published, Ms. Fisher’s restraining order against Hack was extended from 50 to 500 yards.
To commemorate the third anniversary of when his cover artist Jonny M. became Facebook friends with his celebrity crush Frances Fisher, Hack wrote this malicious chronicle of their relationship which painted Jonny as an annoying thorn in Ms. Fisher’s side. The only comment that the “Titanic” star gave about the book was “Werker pretty much nailed it.”
Hack’s obsession with the film “Titanic” and its star Frances Fisher is common knowledge and he wrote the story from the point of view of her character Ruth Dewitt Bukater to clear up what he felt were some inconsistencies in the story. For instance, when Ruth hooks up with a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction while her daughter Rose is off doing who-knows-what with Jack, he tries to introduce her to the wonders of anal sex. She is so furious that she rips the door off her cabin closet and clobbers him over the head with it, breaking it in half with the blow. When the same door floats to the water’s surface after the ship sinks giving Rose something to ride on to safety, Ruth’s attack has rendered it too small to also carry Jack so he sinks to a watery grave.
Hack got his first cell phone in 2017, a 2004 Motorola flip phone that he thought was so amazing that he wrote this erotic sci-fi thriller around it. This wasn’t one of Hack’s better forays into the genre but it did have a scene where the Space Girls start their own phone sex line that is pretty hot.
Hack was still trying to suck up to the disciples of his cover artist Jonny M.’s late pug Winston with this volume, which had Winston coming back from doggie heaven to make his master sexually irresistible to the ladies. The Winstonites, who castrated themselves to be more like their neutered leader, were unimpressed but Jonny M. himself thought it ranked among Hack’s best books.
Ranger Joe must save a bevy of beauty contest contestants from the various dangers in the park and they each reward him with anal sex. One of the most popular titles in the Junior Ranger series.
When he first heard about the Me Too movement, Hack was horrified because he had a long history of masturbating in front of women for years. So he wrote this book in support of the crusade in the hopes that its leaders wouldn’t put him to death when they took over. His fear turned out to be for naught because his genitalia is so tiny that none of the women realized that he was playing with himself in their presence.