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Hack wrote this Jonny M. adventure in a transparent attempt to rip off the success of the Twilight series. Jonny travels to London do do battle with a lot of super-hot vampires and winds up killing the queen vampire when he impales her with his tragically misshapen genitalia, which is somehow shaped like a cross.
Because of his obsession with Frances Fisher, Hack has written many sequels to her movies. This is one of the better ones in which Strawberry Alice, the stern brothel madam in “Unforgiven,” hooks up with a dashing outlaw and his loyal pug.
A nostalgic reminiscence from Hack’s teenage years when he would take girls to the movies, buy a bucket of popcorn and punch out the bottom, and then wait for them to inevitably dig for a handful of his Johnson. He ultimately spent so much money on popcorn without result that he fantasized that someone would just play the trick on him. It never happened.
This is a (relatively) true story about a young, free-thinking pizza delivery girl who has a torrid affair with an aging lothario after he tips twenty dollars on a $14.50 order. Hack really was the aging lothario in the novel but unlike the hottie depicted in the story, the real delivery girl not only had a skin condition and a limp but she turned out to be a dude.
Even so, Hack considers it to be one of the great love stories of his life.
Hack became obsessed with sending selfies of his withered genitalia to potential online lovers and wrote this self-indulgent fantasy in which he falls down a rabbit hole made up of a sub-culture of gorgeous women who actually enjoy dick pix. In the novel, they number in the thousands but according to Hack’s years of research on the subject, the real number is actually a hard zero.
This was based on a real episode in Hack’s life where he fell in love with two women, a hard-partying hottie and a sweet and charming stay-at-home, and couldn’t decide between the two. Providence simplified the matter when it turned out that neither one could stand him.
Hack wrote this novel after his cover artist Jonny M. described his plans for the weekend, which were a literal playing out of the circumstances of the title. Hack changed the participants in the orgy to female TV newscasters he had crushes on and jumped out a third floor window immediately after finishing the manuscript. He ended up with only minor injuries while Jonny had to deal with a case of chlamydia.
When his cover artist Jonny M. complained that he had too many women to sexually satisfy in his life, Hack wrote this book in a fit of jealous rage. It’s not a bad read.
When Hack’s unrequited love for his friend Rosanna De Candia was at its most intense, she admitted to him that she had a crush on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star Larry David. Consumed with jealousy, Hack wrote this bitter story which ends with David and Rosie suffered a painful death at the hands of a pack of savage, rabid wombats. Hack admitted that he felt much better after writing it.
This is one of the few recent Hack Werker novels that didn’t depict Boris the pug on its cover. The sales were disastrous.