Category: Beautiful Babes

The Party

This is the only Hack Werker novel where Hack appears on the cover. He was depressed about the social distancing required by the coronavirus pandemic so he asked his cover artist Jonny M. to depict him for the first and last time. It relives an actual incident where he was talking to his friend, world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy, at a party when he began diddling himself. Hack swears he doesn’t remember what happened after that but he woke up in an alley with his backside so bruised that it looked like two rotten avocados and Snow Mercy had to have hand surgery shortly afterwards.

Coronavirus Nurse

When international superstar Tom Hanks was diagnosed with the coronavirus, Hack sat down and wrote this novel about a promiscuous nurse in the coronavirus ward of a city hospital. While the book was little more than a series of Hack’s typically sick sex fantasies, many reviewers lauded him for understanding far more about the pandemic than the president of the United States.

I Voted

Hack always flaunts his “I Voted” sticker on Election Day because he’s convinced that it will make him irresistible to free-thinking communist hippie chicks and politically conservative repressed housewives. The truth is that he only shows up at the polling place and swipes a sticker when no one’s looking because he thinks if he actually votes, the government will use his information to kidnap him and transplant his brain with an alien that crash landed at Area 51.

Sex Slaves on the High Seas

Hack wrote this fantasy about his friends Snow Mercy and Rosanna De Candia (who both find him repulsive) and his celebrity crush Frances Fisher (who has multiple restraining orders against him) making him their sex slave on a raft in the middle of the ocean. When he saw that cover artist Jonny M. (who depicts himself as the hero on the cover of all of Hack’s books) had put himself in the scenario, Hack tried to cut his throat with a straight-edged razor.