Hack once again explore his favorite theme of a virgin wanting to have her first sexual experience with a dangerous stranger by engaging in angry anal sex.
T.G.I.F.
Category: Catnip to the Ladies
The Three-Day Weekend
This novel is about a gorgeous woman who throws herself at Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. Based on a true story.
Rob Vestal: International Super Stud
When Hack was in especially dire straits he threw a contest where the winner would have his own Hack Werker novel written about him. Hack had a hard time with this because the guy was, in Hack’s words, “the only person I’ve ever met who’s creepier than I am.” He stuck to the bargain and completed this novel, which by all accounts is one of the most disturbing things he’s ever written.
Oh, Fuck It: I’m in a Bad Mood and I Need This Today
Hack was in a funk when he wrote this sci-fi novel about a futuristic Hack Werker-like writer of pulp novels who has to save the universe by providing anal sex to an army of female Amazonian space warriors. The title of the book was supposed to be “Space Raiders of Galaxy XY” but when his publisher John Kane asked him on a conference call what they should call it, this is what Hack responded.
Age of Consent
Hack wrote this to suck up to “Titanic” star Frances Fisher on her birthday. It resulted in her first restraining order against him.
The Virgin Hunters
This is the true story of a group of bored housewives who lived in Hack’s neighborhood and got their kicks by betting on which one could deflower the most virgin teens nearby. Hack tried to take advantage of the situation by convincing them that he was a virgin but since he was 74 years old at the time, his scheme ended in humiliating failure.
The President’s Rent Boy
This is one of Hack’s many attempts to suck up to his favorite Twitter pundit Lisa Glass by imaging her elected the first Jewish female president and taking a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer as her live-in lover. She doesn’t get a lot of work done.
Mankini
Hack used to have brunch with a degenerate who inspired his novel “The Contiguous Man.” One Sunday, the guy started rhapsodizing about how this style of bathing suit made him irresistible to women, which intrigued Hack enough to sit down and crap out this book on the subject. A week later, Hack and his friend hit the beach in the titular swimwear and they were both fined $1,000 for all the vomit they induced from the beachgoers who saw them.
The Love God
Return of the Slut
This sequel picks up where “The Slut” left off. Strangely, the title character is constantly giving men syphilis without suffering from the illness herself. When pressed about that detail, Hack testily warns you not to challenge him because he is one of the recognized greatest experts on the disease in the world. This despite that fact that he doesn’t spell it correctly anywhere in the book, including the cover.