Category: Celebrity Cameo

Ass’s Milk

Happy heavenly birthday to Claudette Colbert!

Colbert is one of our favorite movie stars from the 1930s and 1940s, winning an Oscar for It Happened One Night and starring in such classics as Cleopatra, The Egg and I and Since You Went Away. But our favorite Colbert film is the infamous 1932 camp classic The Sign of the Cross, which features an outrageously wonderful performance by Charles Laughton as Nero and perhaps the sexiest character of 1930s cinema in the form of Colbert’s Empress Poppaea. She was immortalized in one of the most famous nude scenes of the era when Poppaea takes a milk bath attended by her gaggle of slaves, a sight so deeply planted in Hack’s psyche that he wrote this novel about it.

Police Chick

Hack was blind drunk through most of the 1970s so he has only a hazy recollection of the Angie Dickinson TV series Police Woman. But he has a vague memory of one episode where Angie is captured by a baddie and he orders her to take off her bra so he can check for concealed weapons. Angie is saved from the horrors of having to expose her boobage to the fiend at the last second but Hack decided to base an entire novel on the scenario.

Doppelganger

“After Jonny’s rectum had been pulverized by the agent’s massive shvantz, Agent 99 quietly asked him why he didn’t just take her place at jury duty instead of surrendering his anus in return for the information. He and Boris exchanged an enigmatic look and Jonny gazed intensely at his female colleague.

‘Where’s the fun in that?'”

Korea Mullich and the Pillagers of Ted Williams’ Frozen Head

Happy heavenly birthday to Ted Williams!

Williams is most famous for two things. 1> He is arguably the greatest hitter in baseball history and 2> he had his head cryogenically frozen after his death so that it could be reanimated when the technology was available (no kidding, he really did). Hack is a huge baseball fan and also plans to have his remains frozen when he finally goes, so he wrote this novel in tribute to his hero.