When his cover artist Jonny M. complained that he had too many women to sexually satisfy in his life, Hack wrote this book in a fit of jealous rage. It’s not a bad read.
Too Many Dames
Category: Celebrity Cameo
The Starlet
Hack begged his producer John Kane for years to let him appear in the cheap porn flicks shot in Kane’s Van Nuys garage, but the most Kane would ever do is let Hack work the clap board before takes and occasionally serve as a fluffer. He turned those experiences into this highly fanciful novel in which a Catholic schoolgirl starts at the bottom of the porn industry and cuts a ruthless path to becoming the biggest star in the business. The character of Bruno Rathburn, the fabulously successful porn star whose genitals are so huge that any actress who performs in a sex scene with him runs the risk of being cut in half, was clearly based on Hack himself. He later admitted in interviews that being a porn star was his dream life and he deeply resented Kane for not allowing him to live it.
Rent Boy
The story of the downfall of a young gay prostitute. Hack claims that it is total fiction but refuses to explain why he has the main character’s name tattooed on his taint.
Operation Ruth
Everyone told Hack that the Nazis came into power in 1933 and the Titanic sunk in 1912, but he was so obsessed with “Titanic” star Frances Fisher that he didn’t listen and wrote the book in a few hours. It’s a spirited read.
The Influencer
Hack wrote this book to suck up to actress Mara Marini, who he became obsessed with after seeing her play porn star Brandi Maxx in the NBS sitcom “Park & Recreation.” Ms. Marini placed a restraining order on him and got a court order to have all copies burned. The few remaining editions now sell on eBay for about $500.
The Fast Crowd
A group of poor virgins are deflowered by some rich boys in fast cars. It ends in a drag race between the only girl not to die of syphilis in her father’s jalopy and the leader of the boys in his 1962 Covair. Just as the boy is about to cross the finish line, his car crashes in a fire ball and he is castrated by its stick shift.
Trio of Lust
Hack based this novel on an experience his cover artist Jonny M. And his pug Boris had when they stopped at Barstow for gas during a road trip and were seduced by a trio of sex-starved beauties. As soon as he completed the book, Hack made another of his many failed suicide attempts by sticking his head in the pizza oven of the Shakey’s restaurant where he works as a janitor. Since it was an electric oven, he realized after about three hours that it wouldn’t put him out of his misery and he went back to cleaning toilets.
The Lion in Winter
This was the second book wrote under this title after seeing Frances Fisher perform in the play. It was even less historically accurate than the first one.
The Dragons of Eleanor of Aquitaine
Hack’s third book about the tenth century queen, this one written while he was having an acid flashback. Whatever your expectations are about this thing, it’s way weirder than that.
The Secret Loves of Eleanor of Aquitaine
Hack’s obsession was still at it height after seeing Frances Fisher and Gregory Harrison perform James Goldman’s play. This book is nasty, even by Hack’s standards.