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One of Hack’s lamest novels whose only remarkable feature is that he had forgotten he’d published it so a few years later, he republished it under the title “Terror Behind the Door.” They were essentially the same novel except that in the original, the stranger trying to break in was a deranged murderer who had escaped from a nearby insane asylum whereas in the rewrite, he was a pizza delivery guy.
When his cover artist Jonny M. and his pug Boris saved a beautiful woman from being hit by a car, Hack was furious that she rewarded the pair (Boris with a case of Milk Bone dog biscuits, Jonny with a weekend of intense sex) instead of recognizing them as the idiots he knows them to be. Hack wrote this novel to educate the world about the truth as he sees it regarding the two.
A female undercover cop undercover cop poses as a reefer addict to infiltrate a reefer mob but becomes addicted to reefer in the process.
This was one of Hack’s many attempts to impress “Titanic” star Frances Fisher. As soon as it hit the shelves, his publisher John Kane was inundated with cease-and-desist orders and had to pull all copies from circulation. Undaunted, Hack got Ms. Fisher’s address from a “map of the star’s homes” and had a copy delivered to her. Regrettably, the map was woefully inaccurate and it wound up at the house of a plumber is Los Feliz, but he reported enjoyed the book thoroughly.
Yet another attempt to suck up to his favorite Twitter pundit Lisa Glass. It was inspired by the one time that they met face-to-face when Hack happened to meet her on the sidewalk one day. As soon as she realized who he was, she ran like hell in the opposite direction.
This was written in the brief period that Hack thought if he dealt reefer, women would be willing to sleep with him if they couldn’t come up with money. He failed when A> he wound up smoking most of the reefer himself and B> his clients quickly found out that he was a wuss and if they so much as looked at him sternly, he’d give them everything he had for free.
Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. was the victim of arson when a person with severe emotional problems tried to burn his house down with him and his pug Boris inside it*. Hack was fascinated by the story and used it as the basis for this novel. Unlike in real life (where the arsonist served a long prison term), in Hack’s version the fire kills Jonny and Boris and the arsonist gets off scotch-free.
* No shit, that really happened.
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s beloved pug Winston died and Jonny got another pug named Boris, Hack was delighted because he secretly hated Winston. To get Boris on his side from the start, Hack wrote this patronizing saga depicting the young pug as a super power who always fought for the side of right. The book turned out to be prescient because Boris saw through Hack’s bullshit immediately. Hack, in turn, grew to hate Boris even more than he hated Winston.
Hack ran into some legal trouble when it came out that he had kept a young woman locked in the basement of his publisher John Kane’s beach house for two months. Hack denied any wrongdoing and insisted that the woman had requested that he shackle and gag her, but he grudgingly accepted a plea bargain to escape the death penalty of life imprisonment (although that was reduced to five weeks on a technicality). The story inspired this novel.
Ranger Joe must save a bevy of beauty contest contestants from the various dangers in the park and they each reward him with anal sex. One of the most popular titles in the Junior Ranger series.