Hack’s take on women in prison. Butt Lust Magazine called it “inarguably the finest novel ever written.”
Chicks in Cages
Category: Dangerous Dames
The Temptress
A smokin’ hot babe seduces horny saps into singing over the lease of their penthouse apartments to her.
Happy Deathday
Hack wrote this as a birthday present to his cover artist Jonny M., who Hack has long said he wished was dead. When Jonny’s pug Boris saw the cover, he bit Hack through the seat of his pants; chomping off a large section of his left butt cheek.
Paige Simon: Girl Spy
One of Hack’s many attempts to rip off James Bond, this time with a female version of the super-spy. It was a success with the public and Hack was asked to write a sequel but he refused, saying “I put more energy than usual in the male characters who seduced Paige Simon and I found myself getting more and more charged up by them. If I wrote a sequel, there’s no doubt in my mind that I would end up gay.”
The Hamcat
Hack was still sucking up to the 99-seat theater crowd when he wrote this thriller about a vigilante who dresses up as a cat and fights for their movement. This was during a period when Hack’s reefer addiction was at its most intense.
Yenta with a Gun
Hack wrote this novel about his friend Donna, a domineering Jewess who terrifies him. He was scared to death at her reaction when she read the book but was relieved when all she had to say about it was that it was the only thing he’s written with likable characters.
Murder at the Funeral
A beautiful heiress stages her own death to murder her lover, but that turns out to be a staged death too. When they are closed in on by the police, they fulfill a murder-suicide pact which turns out to be staged. The Tolucan Times called it “very confusing.”
Devil Woman
Hack’s second wife claims that she wrote this novel about a manipulative sex-obsessed ne’er-do-well based on Hack and that he stole it and changed the gender of the main characters. The charge bears out when reading the final climatic scene between the hero and the “Devil Woman” in which he drives her out of the house by repeatedly mocking her tiny penis.
They Called Her Kelie Jane
A double agent from Kansas tries to get a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction to overthrow the US government. When pressed that Kansas was actually part of the United States, Hack inevitably retorts “That’s exactly what they want you to goddamn think!”
Crime of Passion
Hack hated his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston so much that he paid a beautiful woman to pretend to fall in love with Jonny and say that she’d only have sex with him if he killed the pug. The plan backfired when she actually did fall in love with Jonny and while they were having sex for the first time, Winston jumped in Hack’s lap and took a large dump.