Day of Reckoning

This is a highly romanticized version of he time Hack made a list of his enemies with the plan of getting revenge on all of them in one day. In the book, the main character (a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction) guns them down one by one. In real like, Hack collected bags of his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris’ poop with the idea of placing them on his enemy’s porches and lighting them on fire. But while he was driving to his first target’s house, the bags caught fire in the back of his van, rendering it uninhabitable for three months. In the time that it was airing out, Hack was forced to sleep on a park bench where random dogs would frequently poop on him.

Paige Simon: Girl Spy

One of Hack’s many attempts to rip off James Bond, this time with a female version of the super-spy. It was a success with the public and Hack was asked to write a sequel but he refused, saying “I put more energy than usual in the male characters who seduced Paige Simon and I found myself getting more and more charged up by them. If I wrote a sequel, there’s no doubt in my mind that I would end up gay.”

Yenta with a Gun

Hack wrote this novel about his friend Donna, a domineering Jewess who terrifies him. He was scared to death at her reaction when she read the book but was relieved when all she had to say about it was that it was the only thing he’s written with likable characters.

Devil Woman

Hack’s second wife claims that she wrote this novel about a manipulative sex-obsessed ne’er-do-well based on Hack and that he stole it and changed the gender of the main characters. The charge bears out when reading the final climatic scene between the hero and the “Devil Woman” in which he drives her out of the house by repeatedly mocking her tiny penis.